Because it is almost my Birthday.

So my three year old has robots in his bedroom. On purpose. I put them there. They aren't invading or anything. But really, the room is kinda bare, and I don't know what to do about it. I suppose I could hang stuff on the walls, but that just seems a little TOO easy, don't you think?

Richard keeps talking about making him a very cool, rather large bed that will look neat and fill up lots of space, but I honestly don't know when that will happen. Today I saw these Kids Beds at AllChildrensFurniture.com and now I am all covety. They have some very cool beds! I think my favorite is this one.
If it was different fabric. Because there is no way my kid is having a camouflage bed. But what better way to start your day then scootin' down the slide in your jammies? It would almost make up for waking up in that awful pastel room. But seriously, with free shipping it might be better to just buy a bed than waiting until never for one to get built. Only joking husband dear! I know you'll do it when the timing is right!


And now I know what you are all thinking. I am clairvoyant, and it is pretty great. Except sometimes it sucks. But I know what these beds have got you thinking: When is Elesa Going to Do A Giveaway? And will she give away one of those swell beds? This thought has plagued your waking hours, and haunted your dreams. It isn't fair to you for me to keep you in suspense any longer. The answers are NOW and NO. Sorry. No one is going to give you a free bed. That is not the world we live in.

But I am giving away this. Monster Bowling, by Melissa and Doug. Why couldn't I have had nightmares about these guys when I was a kid? If you win, these crazy cute monsters are yours. It is that simple. Registering is somewhat more complicated however.

Here is what you gotta do to register: You must build a tower of books in your living room that reach as high as your desire to win is. Take several pictures. Compile those pictures into a slideshow set to your favorite Beach Boys song and post the video on YouTube. Once your video reaches 1000 views, write a letter to your mom and ask her to register for you. Easy as that.

OR, you can just leave a comment. Just say something like "Sign me up, Matey!" I guess I will accept that too. But the book thing would be cooler.

So, I don't know, you can tell your friends if you want to. I wouldn't if it was me, cuz it just decreases my chances of winning. (Ha. The first time I wrote that sentance it said "degreases your chance of winning.") But, since this all about advertising, I suppose it behooves us to spread the word. It also behooves us to use the word behoove at every opportunity. I guess if you mention the giveaway in a post on your blog then you can be entered again. Just comment again to tell me you did so. But you really have to ask yourself if it is worth it.

Giveaway Ends April 1st at noon. And just because you may not have children doesn't mean you shouldn't enter. Look at those monsters? Wouldn't you love to spend an evening throwing things at them?

Food for Thought

It smells like poop in here. And now that I've got that off my chest, I have something more to say. Hmmmm. . . . . How to say this without offending either of my male readers?

What is the deal with your freakin' gender? Why are you such babies about food?? Oh yes, I think that worked out nicely. Very tactful. Well done, Elesa.

But seriously, why does it smell like poo in here?


I'm going to try something a little different and talk about my husband. Just this once. Don't tell him, Ok? He is sitting right next to me and all, but he doesn't have to know. He doesn't read my blog - his excuse being that he "doesn't even know how to find it" (sure, good try), so I don't have to worry about that. So, for the rest of you, if we could just keep this between us, that would be nice.

I have a very honest husband. And of course, yes, he is honest is the doesn't-try-to-steal-from-blind-old-ladies way, but he is also honest in the won't-tell-a-lie-to-keep-from-hurting-someone's-feelings way. Even the socially accepted "lies-to-keep-your-wife-from-throwing-things-at-you" are not acceptable to him. This is the man who, when asked by me "Do these pants make my bum look smaller?" said "Uh...not really."

I have come to appreciate it. Or, I have decided to appreciate it. I know when he tells me I look good, he means it and if he tells me something tastes good, it is. As aggravating as it is, it is nice to know he isn't just saying something to make me feel good.

Cooking is fun when I get to try out new recipes. But I have given up trying to find a recipe that will knock my husband's socks off. I don't think I am capable of cooking something he goes crazy over. He will always thank me for dinner, because he really is grateful that I am cooking for him. But if I ask him how the food was, the answer is usually "It was ok", The best I have ever gotten was "It was good" but that doesn't happen all that often. So I just don't ask his opinion anymore. Instead I tell him that if he never ever wants to eat a particular meal again, he better let me know.

Such was the case with this meal:


The Pioneer Woman's Chicken Spaghetti.



I thought a recipe from a back-country, meat-and-potatoes-lovin', down-home-cookin' lady like The Pioneer Woman would be just the thing for Richard, but he eyed it very suspiciously and looked quite afraid. I tried to convince him that it was going to be delicious because it was The Pioneer Woman's recipe, but he didn't believe me. He did eat it though, out of politeness. It had pimentos in it (and I am not even really sure what those are) and Richard picked them all out. I said "How do you know you don't like them?" and he said "They look funny".

I, however, thought it was really good. Though I think it would have been better with a different pasta, like rigatoni or something, instead of spaghetti.


The good news is I DID find something he likes. These:

These Ginger Spice Cookies are good. And easy. And since I bought some molasses for something recently, I always have the ingredients on hand. THAT is a huge plus. I was in love from the first. But Richard is nothing if not backward with praise and I didn't even know he liked them until he asked me to make them again. That was when I knew. I found something wonderful, and I'm never gonna let them go!!

I'm only sort of a Criminal

Well, larceny was my crime today. That's right. I robbed a Shopko.

But you should know, I'm not a thief. Really. After my first attempt, I gave it up. This time was an accident. Honest. I just went into Shopko to get one thing. Something totally normal, not something sad and weird like Depends or Female mustache remover or anything like that. And then I had me a hankerin' to watch some Harry Potter, which is also very normal, but they didn't have the one I wanted so I left. It wasn't till I got home and saw my merchandise sitting on the seat next to me, and I started trying to remember PAYING for it, and realized I hadn't. Brilliant.

So I had to go back. I kept trying to decide how I should act. Guilty? Embarrassed? Ditzy? Scatterbrained? Rushed? Angry? In the end I went for matter of fact and the customer service lady obviously couldn't have cared either way. Just rang me up and that was that. Stealing really isn't as exciting as they make it out to be in the movies. I feel like I've been lied to! By the media, of all things!

Sugar is my drug of choice

Since I had to go and announce to the world that I was was off sugar, I guess it is only fair that I inform you that I am back on again. That is right. I quit. Cuz it was a super sucky day, and it was either eat something delicious and sweet or run away, and I KNOW I would regret that tomorrow.

So I made myself a batch of snickerdoodles,

(I took the recipe from Domestication in Progress and added 1/4 tsp cream of tartar). and enjoyed every single bite. I could only eat three cookies, but I'm not sorry at all. I was sad and sugar made me feel better and I can accept that.

For a while there I was thinking "Wow! I'm sure not a quitter!!" Which was a nice thing to think and all, but it turns out that I am. And I am ok with it. Sometimes I think not quitting is just a little over rated anyway. For instance:

Have you seen this billboard?


Do I really want to stick with things at the cost of my limbs? Sure, some things are worth any cost, like my family, the gospel, good stuff like that. But if sharks keep biting bits of you off whenever you go to the beach, maybe you should start swimming at the pool. It's not like you are going to teach those sharks a lesson by surfing with one leg. They don't care. If your current activity is detrimental to your remaining limbs, it might be time to take up a new hobby. That's all I'm sayin.

Losing My ( )dentity

My I button seems to be malfunctioning. If I don't pay careful attention it just doesn't type anything when i press on it. Most words can be gnored and fixed with spell checker, except when I am talking about myself and use the word "I". If I am not paying attenton, I will get to the end of a sentence where I expound my opnions on icecream flavors, and when I look back over it, I will have been completely left out of the sentence. I feel a lttle bit lke I am losing my identty. So I have to keep going back over it and saying “I! I! I’m the one who loves Heavenly Hash!” I have to be really forceful and jab the “I” key really hard to convnce it that I am the one who is talking.

Though it occurs to me now, that maybe the reason that I is the key that is going, is because I have always been too forceful with it.What am I trying to compensate for?

Where My Nerds At?

My husband is just the teeniest bit nerdy. Only the teeniest, tiniest bit. Ever since who-knows-when he has wanted his very own Tricorder, just like the following:

If, by some bizarre accident of nature or TV programming, you have no idea what I am talking about or what this is a picture of, then I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you. It would be like trying to describe the binary language of moisture vaporators to a hedgehog. Not that you are like a hedgehog. You are beautiful and good. And. . . . oh, let's just move on.

I bought him a phaser and a communicator for his Birthday last year


- only to find out JUST YESTERDAY that his mom gave him both when he was in highschool. He pulled them out to display in his Shrine to Nerd-dom he is putting together next to our bed. He assures me that these new ones I gave him are different and nice and he is very, very glad to have both. But the truth is, what he really wants is a Tricorder. He would happily own every one that has ever been made (and believe me, there are lots.) And as much as I like to surprise him, I think I have learned enough not to try to buy a Tricorder for him. Indeed, picking out your first tricorder is what turns a boy into a man.

So he's been looking at them online lately. Researching, comparing prices, reading reviews, watching videos. The videos are the best. In the "Sheesh, and I thought YOU were nerdy!" kind of way. Here is a very helpful and informative one:



No, no, I don't expect you to watch it (unless you are into that sort of thing). I mean, this guy happily rambles on about his tricorder for Twenty Minutes! And Richard watched the whole thing.

My favorite part is at about 8 minutes, 10 seconds. We watched it over and over cuz we thought it was so funny. Man, that guys is a nerd. And he doesn't know. I really don't think he has any idea what a nerd he is, which is what also makes him a dork. Not that there is anything wrong with that. And also, I kinda wish I knew him. Cuz nerds are the best, ya know?

and so on, and so forth...

I just woke up from a nap. Sort of. As much as one can wake up from a nap. There are those who believe that you never truly wake up from a nap, and as your life goes on more and more of you stays asleep until there is more of you asleep than awake. That is why old people are such bad drivers.



Sitting at his computer, Richard got a popup advertising The Secret to thick, strong, shiny, Asian hair. And Richard said, "Uh, yeah. Isn't the secret being Asian?" And unfortunately, I think he is right. My mongrel, European heritage has bestowed upon me limp, frizzy, thinning hair, and I'm proud of that. I don't need any "internet secrets" taking that away from me.



My shocking news of the day is that I have decided to give up sugar. Temporarily. One day the notion popped into my head out of who knows where and I just up and decided to go without sugar until my Birthday in April. For a total of 6 weeks. Because--I reasoned--I can do anything for 6 weeks.

It has been almost 3 weeks so far. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is so hard it is all I can do to keep from smashing things, but I have stuck with it. And I guess I will stick with it till the end, cuz it seems like a waste to quit now, though I'm not really sure why I decided to do this in the first place. Mostly what I feel at this point is just bored. Dessert is fun. Cooking dessert is fun. How the heck am I supposed to entertain myself if I don't eat dessert?

Underneath this world, there is a whole nuther, different world, and they have really delicious potatoes.

There is a whole bloggy world out there that some of you don't even know about. Some of you do, of course, and that is why you are here, but the rest of you are here because you are related to me, and as such feel a certain responsibility to read what I write, and find out what is going on in my life (which is increasingly infuriating, because I never actually SAY anything!)

Anyhoo, what I am driving at is that there is this whole, bloggy community of women (and men, so legend has it) who only know each other through their blogs, and read each other's blogs and from time to time go out to lunch together, and then casually attend Blogging Conferences where they meet and talk to MORE people and read MORE people's blogs and this goes on and on exponentially until eventually someday they will break the internet.

But until that day, blah blah blah, I really don't know where this sentence is going.

Ok. So these people get together. For instance, I assume it is not a secret that Kristina has announced a blog lunch on March 20th at the Old Folk Mecca: Golden Corral. (She also announced that she actually cares about Old People, which you can read more about here.) So, with that announcement comes a decision. Should I go?

See, the thing is, I went to one of these once before. Though it wasn't a lunch. It was a Bridal shower. Brittany was having a baby shower hosted by Kristina and she basically said "If anybody wants to come, let me know." So I said, "Send me on down one-a them thur invitations!" And she did. And somehow I found myself on the fateful day in my car, heading toward Salt Lake to attend the shower.

It was exciting to meet these people, but as I drove I was mostly just nervous. And then I got lost. And then I got loster. And then I was yelling "Where the heck am I??" and then I was like "CURSE YOU AND YOUR STUPID MAP KRISTINA!" and then I was like "Oh. I'm here." And then I was nervous again. Really, crazy nervous. What was I thinking coming to this thing??

But here is the plot twist: It was great! I ended up sitting by Annie of Regarding Annie, which was nice for me because Annie is good at talking. Well, no. That's not quite it. She is good at conversation. Talkers are nice cuz they do all the talking and I can just listen and I don't have to do any work. But she asked me questions. Got me talking, and it didn't feel like work at all. On my other side was Jessica, from Duck, Duck, Cow, whose blog was the first stranger's blog I ever commented on. Thusly, she was the first stranger who commented on my blog, and I was pretty dang excited, I can assure you. I also met the Boob Nazi, and Shanna of Just So, and Christa (whose blog I cannot find anywhere) and gosh it has been so long that is as far around the circle as I can remember.

So what I am trying to say is, it was really nice to meet them and I was so glad I went, but now there is another lunch coming up and even though I liked the last one, I am afraid to go to another one. I just read This Post by That Girl, and I totally get where she is coming from. Though for me it is not so much fear of having to meet expectations as just having to talk to people. Talking to people is the worst! And 19 million times more worser when they are people you don't know. With one of my sisters I can be like "Hey, what's up? Why don't we sit down, eat 27 peanut butter bars and watch some Firefly" But with a stranger I have to be like, "Hello. How are you on this fine morning? Would you care to sample some of these delectable peanut butter bars? Oh, you don't eat carbs? You don't like Sci Fi? You don't watch TV??" And then I have to fake a nose bleed and run for the bathroom. Yeah. Pretty painful. So, anyway, I think the point is,

Talking = BAD
Peanut Butter Bars = GOOD.

Oh, and the other point, which I learned at the aforementioned Blog Lunch, is that the name of my blog "Ahem" is no fun to say out loud. So when people asked what my blog was I started just clearing my throat. And then they would say "How do you spell that?"

I could try to sum this all up nicely, but what good would that do? Let's just say that I have shared all the thoughts I have on the matter, and leave it at that.

But what are YOUR thoughts?