Posts with the label Lists
Showing posts with label Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lists. Show all posts
Apr 2, 2012
The Best Thing to Read on April Fool's Day
If you've been here a while, you might remember that today, April 1st, is my Birthday. My birthday posts (1, 2, & 3) are always wildly controversial and full of vivid and colorful imagery. And now I am 34. I am even older and even smarter. So this post is sure to be a doozy. (it is probably a good idea to get your hopes up at this point.) I wanted to title it "34 Unrelated Things" but then I thought no one would read it. 34 things is a lot to expect people to get through, especially for some of my 3rd Grade Readers. I'm not sure I can even WRITE 34 things, but you've got to have goals, right?
I have 34 years, and soon my blog will have a list with 34 things on it. That is birthday symmetry. Here We Go!
1. I don't really get into April Fool's Day. I think it is because April Fool's Day has been stealing the thunder from my birthday since the day I was born. Is it too much to ask to have ME be the center of the universe for just one day? All I want are gifts and grand overtures of affection, and all I get are jokes and tricks. You have incurred my wrath, April Fool's Day, and you will pay!
2. HOWEVER, Harrison caught on to the fun of April Fool's day today after his cousin tricked him a couple times, and he started saying things like "There is a spider on your back." or "Look outside! There is a police man with no shoes on. Never Fools!" And that was pretty darn fun.
3. Recently, I was in charge of a Relief Society Program that involved lots of singing. And I needed Soloists. Which was no easy task. And even after begging and bribing I was still one singer short. And I finally realized I was either going to have to cut out a song, or sing it myself. But the song was one of my favorites, and mostly in my range, and so I decided to just do it. Because I believe in the church it is willingness, and not ability, that is important. I'm an ok singer. I'm a good Alto. But I'm not a soloist. I just don't have the voice for it. But I did it anyway. I practiced and practiced--mostly in the shower--and I got to the point where I started to think "What was I worrying about? I'm a great singer!" So imagine my surprise when I just didn't sound the same once I was singing in front of an audience. I really didn't feel that nervous. Especially considering how terrifying it was to sing in front of all those people all by myself. And so I was also surprised when my hands went numb. Completely numb. I stood there, singing away, while my hands sort of formed themselves into these claws and I couldn't move them or feel them or anything, and they just lay there like disembodied stumped on the pulpit in front of me. Thank goodness my song didn't have any hand motions to go with it.
4. If all of my 34 things are as long as that last one, you will all fall asleep before you reach the end.
5. I have a blister on my middle finger. It is a hot glue injury. I get a lot of those. Which is why I never operate a hot glue gun without safety glasses on!
6. I find that I prefer reading blogs that include lots of pictures. I also understand that looking at pictures does not really constitute "reading".
7. Did you hear that David Tennant got married? At the beginning of the year I think. To the girl who played Jenny, the Doctor's daughter on "The Doctor's Daughter." from season 4.
And, if you can believe the awesomeness of it, she also happens to be the daughter of Peter Davison, who played the 5th Doctor.
I hope their love doesn't rip open the fabric of Space.
8. What is the #1 concern of all people on their way to their High School Reunion? No, not the music that will be played. Or whether there will be enough finger food (those are concern #3 and #2 respectively.)
The #1 concern is this:
"Boy, I hope I look even better now than I did in Highschool!"
Cuz nobody wants to age badly. We are smarter and richer and less annoying, and it only makes sense that we would want to look better too. But how? How can it be done? If you are at the height of your physical health and beauty at 18, what hope is there for the future?
The answer, my friends, is obvious. Look Bad in High School. If you had stupid hair and dumb clothes, then you are just a haircut and a change of clothes away from significant improvement. Easy!
9. I'm not a germaphobe, but I am always annoyed when I got into those public restrooms that seem to be all set up so that you don't have to touch anything; i.e. automatic flush, automatic soap, automatic faucet, automatic hand dryers or automatic paper towels, and then you STILL have to pull the doors open when you leave the room. It drives me crazy!
10. In honor of my birthday I'd like to giveaway some stuff to a few lucky people! Here is a list of the prizes!
11. Yesterday I cleaned out my bathroom cabinet, so that is great.
12. Someday my husband and I are going to make a movie called Nerd Fighters of the Waste, about a post apocalyptic world where the nerds ban together and fashion makeshift technology out of the wire from their braces and the extra thick glass from their spectacles.
13. You know, I want to be just as healthy as the next guy - assuming the next guy is a three year old or something. That is why I eat trail mix. Yes, that right there is the one and only reason. Walmart sells this trail mix that I think is pretty good. It doesn't have any crap like grasshoppers or dried papaya in it or anything like that. Just peanuts, cashews, raisins, almonds and M&M's. Good stuff, all except the almonds. Nothing personal, I just think they are too hard. If I have to work that hard to bite through a nut I'd like there to be a pearl inside. So yeah, this is a good, basic trail mix for most snacking and hiking needs but still, I can't help thinking there is room for some improvement. Because, and let's all be honest here and admit that the best part is the M&M's. And there are never enough. So now when I buy it I like to also buy a bag of M&M's and mix those right in. And then I buy some Peanut M&M's and maybe some Peanut Butter M&M's too cuz those are delicious and mix it all together until I've finally got my ratio's right and I am just eating a bag of candy and calling it Trailmix. Woohoo!
14. Have I mentioned that we bought an old Motorhome that my husband is rebuilding? I have lots of plans to tell you all about it once there are lots of interesting things to tell. I'm sure we'll get back around to it someday. Because when we retire we have every intention of seeing the world in our Motorhome. We can drive around, visit all of our Grandchildren, eat at Mom & Pop diners and solve crimes. Sounds pretty great, huh?
15. I am so happy about Catherine Tate being on The Office. I was just about to quit watching. I decided to just try watching ONE more, to be sure, and they went down to Florida and Dwight got appendicitis and Nellie was there in all her Red Headed Glory and suddenly it was all funny again. I'm laughing inside right now.
16. There is no way I'm going to be able to come up with 34 things. I'm going to bed.
I have 34 years, and soon my blog will have a list with 34 things on it. That is birthday symmetry. Here We Go!
1. I don't really get into April Fool's Day. I think it is because April Fool's Day has been stealing the thunder from my birthday since the day I was born. Is it too much to ask to have ME be the center of the universe for just one day? All I want are gifts and grand overtures of affection, and all I get are jokes and tricks. You have incurred my wrath, April Fool's Day, and you will pay!
2. HOWEVER, Harrison caught on to the fun of April Fool's day today after his cousin tricked him a couple times, and he started saying things like "There is a spider on your back." or "Look outside! There is a police man with no shoes on. Never Fools!" And that was pretty darn fun.
3. Recently, I was in charge of a Relief Society Program that involved lots of singing. And I needed Soloists. Which was no easy task. And even after begging and bribing I was still one singer short. And I finally realized I was either going to have to cut out a song, or sing it myself. But the song was one of my favorites, and mostly in my range, and so I decided to just do it. Because I believe in the church it is willingness, and not ability, that is important. I'm an ok singer. I'm a good Alto. But I'm not a soloist. I just don't have the voice for it. But I did it anyway. I practiced and practiced--mostly in the shower--and I got to the point where I started to think "What was I worrying about? I'm a great singer!" So imagine my surprise when I just didn't sound the same once I was singing in front of an audience. I really didn't feel that nervous. Especially considering how terrifying it was to sing in front of all those people all by myself. And so I was also surprised when my hands went numb. Completely numb. I stood there, singing away, while my hands sort of formed themselves into these claws and I couldn't move them or feel them or anything, and they just lay there like disembodied stumped on the pulpit in front of me. Thank goodness my song didn't have any hand motions to go with it.
4. If all of my 34 things are as long as that last one, you will all fall asleep before you reach the end.
5. I have a blister on my middle finger. It is a hot glue injury. I get a lot of those. Which is why I never operate a hot glue gun without safety glasses on!
6. I find that I prefer reading blogs that include lots of pictures. I also understand that looking at pictures does not really constitute "reading".
7. Did you hear that David Tennant got married? At the beginning of the year I think. To the girl who played Jenny, the Doctor's daughter on "The Doctor's Daughter." from season 4.
And, if you can believe the awesomeness of it, she also happens to be the daughter of Peter Davison, who played the 5th Doctor.
I hope their love doesn't rip open the fabric of Space.
8. What is the #1 concern of all people on their way to their High School Reunion? No, not the music that will be played. Or whether there will be enough finger food (those are concern #3 and #2 respectively.)
The #1 concern is this:
"Boy, I hope I look even better now than I did in Highschool!"
Cuz nobody wants to age badly. We are smarter and richer and less annoying, and it only makes sense that we would want to look better too. But how? How can it be done? If you are at the height of your physical health and beauty at 18, what hope is there for the future?
The answer, my friends, is obvious. Look Bad in High School. If you had stupid hair and dumb clothes, then you are just a haircut and a change of clothes away from significant improvement. Easy!
9. I'm not a germaphobe, but I am always annoyed when I got into those public restrooms that seem to be all set up so that you don't have to touch anything; i.e. automatic flush, automatic soap, automatic faucet, automatic hand dryers or automatic paper towels, and then you STILL have to pull the doors open when you leave the room. It drives me crazy!
10. In honor of my birthday I'd like to giveaway some stuff to a few lucky people! Here is a list of the prizes!
- a half used box of fake nails.
- one of those cheapy glasses cases, complete with glasses, the prescription of which is unknown.
- a 12 year old bottle of multivitamins
- an unused Q-Tip
- 3 bottles of conditioner, 15% full
- a 32 mb CF card.
This winners will be chosen at random and in secret, so keep your fingers crossed!
11. Yesterday I cleaned out my bathroom cabinet, so that is great.
12. Someday my husband and I are going to make a movie called Nerd Fighters of the Waste, about a post apocalyptic world where the nerds ban together and fashion makeshift technology out of the wire from their braces and the extra thick glass from their spectacles.
13. You know, I want to be just as healthy as the next guy - assuming the next guy is a three year old or something. That is why I eat trail mix. Yes, that right there is the one and only reason. Walmart sells this trail mix that I think is pretty good. It doesn't have any crap like grasshoppers or dried papaya in it or anything like that. Just peanuts, cashews, raisins, almonds and M&M's. Good stuff, all except the almonds. Nothing personal, I just think they are too hard. If I have to work that hard to bite through a nut I'd like there to be a pearl inside. So yeah, this is a good, basic trail mix for most snacking and hiking needs but still, I can't help thinking there is room for some improvement. Because, and let's all be honest here and admit that the best part is the M&M's. And there are never enough. So now when I buy it I like to also buy a bag of M&M's and mix those right in. And then I buy some Peanut M&M's and maybe some Peanut Butter M&M's too cuz those are delicious and mix it all together until I've finally got my ratio's right and I am just eating a bag of candy and calling it Trailmix. Woohoo!
14. Have I mentioned that we bought an old Motorhome that my husband is rebuilding? I have lots of plans to tell you all about it once there are lots of interesting things to tell. I'm sure we'll get back around to it someday. Because when we retire we have every intention of seeing the world in our Motorhome. We can drive around, visit all of our Grandchildren, eat at Mom & Pop diners and solve crimes. Sounds pretty great, huh?
15. I am so happy about Catherine Tate being on The Office. I was just about to quit watching. I decided to just try watching ONE more, to be sure, and they went down to Florida and Dwight got appendicitis and Nellie was there in all her Red Headed Glory and suddenly it was all funny again. I'm laughing inside right now.
16. There is no way I'm going to be able to come up with 34 things. I'm going to bed.
Apr 8, 2010
Some things I learned this year.
I am 32 now. Last year I turned 31 and the year before that I turned 30. Will it never end?? The older I get, the more often I think about why it is that everyone hates and fears aging so much. I'm still working on some theories.
But I'm sure getting old wouldn't be so bad if it didn't feel so much like I was turning into an old man. Balding, graying, mustached, with hairs pooping out of moles and freckles and out of my ears and nose. Deepening, wobbly voice, chronic gas, polyester pants and a shuffling gait. It is the pits! Though I am a very lovely person.
I decided not to make a "Why it is so darn swell to be 32" list this year, since it really ain't that differnt from being 31. Besides, half of the year I thought that I WAS 32, so I don't feel any older at all. But I am wiser. (wisened?) There is no doubt about that. And I would be honored if you, gentle reader, would let me share just a few of the things I have learned this year with you. Ready..... GO!
1. How to keep my house clean. It is about dang time. But I am still mad about having to clean it EVERY day. Every day! I ask you! Where in the fine print of my marriage license was THAT laid out?
2. The actual meaning of the phrase "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth". I always thought that it was because gift horses are known to bite (Gift Horses, of course, being those mythical creatures that deliver presents on all the holidays besides Christmas and Easter). So I thought the phrase was used today to mean that you accept the gifts you get without question, because if you look too closely at the giver, they might symbolically bite you in the bum.
But Richard told me that the horse is not the giver, the horse is the gift. And if someone gives you a horse as a gift, you don't check its teeth to make sure it is healthy before you accept it. You just accept the gift and say thank you. Because it is a gift. It makes perfect sense, but I think I like my interpretation better.
3. Chocolate is a diuretic. Don't believe me? You clearly haven't eaten enough in one sitting yet.
4. Don't let my husband see what clothes I am getting rid of. I cleaned out my closet recently and got rid of all the stuff I don't wear and gave the decent stuff to my sisters and as Richard watched them go through it he was freaking out inside. Later he said to me"You gave away that sweater? You used to wear that sweater when were dating! And I can't believe you got rid of that necklace. I've always liked that necklace!" Nevermind that I don't wear any of this stuff anymore. If he had his way we would never part with ANYTHING, and my clutter would eventually gain consciousness and attack me in my sleep.
5. Sugar gives me gas. Which actually really explains a lot.
6. Don't mess with Richard when he is cooking. He made a refridgerator sized box full of fudge for Christmas. I tried sweetly suggesting to him that maybe he made just a little too much, and he was like "Rrrrraaaaaar!!"
7. Kids don't listen. For good reason I had to say to Harrison (AGAIN) "Don't eat your boogers, please." And he said "Yes, eat boogers! Chomp!!" I don't know how to spell the chomping sound he made. But I laughed so much that I know he is never going to take me sereiously. And I really need the booger eating to stop!
5. Sugar gives me gas. Which actually really explains a lot.
6. Don't mess with Richard when he is cooking. He made a refridgerator sized box full of fudge for Christmas. I tried sweetly suggesting to him that maybe he made just a little too much, and he was like "Rrrrraaaaaar!!"
7. Kids don't listen. For good reason I had to say to Harrison (AGAIN) "Don't eat your boogers, please." And he said "Yes, eat boogers! Chomp!!" I don't know how to spell the chomping sound he made. But I laughed so much that I know he is never going to take me sereiously. And I really need the booger eating to stop!
9. People selling trucks on KSL do not know how to spell. The further they get from Salt Lake, the worse the spelling.
10. Guilt trips don't work on 3 year-olds. When Harrison shoots me--which happens a lot-- and I have to fall down dead, I always try to make him feel bad for killing his poor MOTHER, who loves him and takes care of him and always makes him hot cocoa. But he just laughs and shoots me again.
11. If the person you are trying to kill won't just shut up and die, you can always shoot them again.
12. No matter where you go, in cities large and small nationwide, little old ladies still hang around the house in their muu muus and house coats. Because this is America!
I may not feel much different than last year, but I know I am getting older because I LIKE the clothes in the Chadwicks catalog. Crazy right? Those are clothes for middle aged moms, not a spring chick like me. But I happened to look through a catalog recently and I liked something on every page. What is next? Embroidering my grandkid's names on my Muu Muu?
May 27, 2009
Stuff that 2 Year Olds Can Get Away With
1. Picking their nose in public. Like so:
2. Excessive Friendliness. Yes, the Rest of the World is required to be friendly, but there is a definite line between being friendly and being all-up-in-their-grill that would be all too easy to cross. With babies though, that line is much further away and a little blurry. So when Harrison sidled up to the sweet old Lady sitting next to us in church and started bouncing his little teddy bear up and down on her head, she thought it was cute. And when he had that same bear give her kisses on the cheek, it was downright adorble. She was smitten. I'VE tried to make friends that way, but it always backfires.
3. Walking around with no pants on. (Away from home, of course. Who wears pants when they are at home?) Notice that he still has shoes on. In accordance with the requirements of decency. If he was pantless AND barefoot, that would really be too much.
4. Brazenly scratching their tushy in a room full of people. AND have everyone think it's charming.
5. Playing with Barbies.
Apparently he has just realized she is naked and is appropriately shocked. "Barbie! How could you?!"
6. Running like this:
I recommend turning on your volume.
Hot Dog! I sure am good with that video camera!
I am always talking about how great it is to get older, blah, blah, blah, but being 2 years old seems to be pretty ok too.
2. Excessive Friendliness. Yes, the Rest of the World is required to be friendly, but there is a definite line between being friendly and being all-up-in-their-grill that would be all too easy to cross. With babies though, that line is much further away and a little blurry. So when Harrison sidled up to the sweet old Lady sitting next to us in church and started bouncing his little teddy bear up and down on her head, she thought it was cute. And when he had that same bear give her kisses on the cheek, it was downright adorble. She was smitten. I'VE tried to make friends that way, but it always backfires.
3. Walking around with no pants on. (Away from home, of course. Who wears pants when they are at home?) Notice that he still has shoes on. In accordance with the requirements of decency. If he was pantless AND barefoot, that would really be too much.
4. Brazenly scratching their tushy in a room full of people. AND have everyone think it's charming.
5. Playing with Barbies.
Apparently he has just realized she is naked and is appropriately shocked. "Barbie! How could you?!"
6. Running like this:
I recommend turning on your volume.
Hot Dog! I sure am good with that video camera!
I am always talking about how great it is to get older, blah, blah, blah, but being 2 years old seems to be pretty ok too.
Apr 1, 2009
Just Because it is My Day, Doesn't Make Me a Fool.
It is my birthday. I am 31 today. 31!! Does that mean I am middle aged? When do the middle ages actually begin? Does it depend on my life expectancy? I don't know what that is. Seems like most of my grandparents died around 80 or 90 (correct me if I'm wrong Mom. I really just took a guess there.), so maybe I will be middle aged when I hit 40 or so? Whatevs.
I decided, in honor of this occasion, that I would write another list.
10 Reasons it is Awesome to be 31. Of course they have to be different than the reasons it is awesome to be 30 (though those ones still hold true), but I have only been 31 for like 12 hours, so....... Hey! Wait! I'm not going to make excuses for my list! I don't have to!
1. 31 is the magically age wherein you are no longer required to make excuses.
2. An old lady drove past me today wearing one of those plastic bonnet things. No umbrella for her. She didn't need one. Saw that it was snowing out, so she just donned her attractive, moisture-proof hat, and her hairdo was safe. Plus, she looked like a million bucks!
Awesome. Now, I can't wear one of those yet. I know that. In the same way that it is no longer appropriate for me to wear Tinkerbell accessories in public, the time has not yet come for me to wear this pretty headdress. But I'm thinking when I hit 40 I will be able to wear one with pride. And each year brings me closer to that glorious day.
3. I no longer have to worry about getting Hit On by guys when I go out. Yesterday, this was a huge problem, but today that problem is gone. Turning 31 has coated me in a "film of oldness" that lets all those men on the prowl out there know that there is nothing here for them to see. Phew! (The plastic rain hat can have a pretty similar effect, so those of you who aren't yet 31 may want to keep that in mind for keeping the men away.)
4. The older you get, the more stuff you can get away with. I was at DI yesterday, and this old man and his wife walked by. As they walked on, the old man passed gas in the loudest and longest fashion I think I have ever heard. A severe case of "The Vapors". And he just kept on walking, like it was no big deal. Ah, how I envy that old man. Again, I don't think I am quite there yet at 31, but I'm closer, and I can get away with, say, curlers at the grocery store. That is if I ever used curlers. And speaking of breaking wind, here is a comic that made me laugh for a good 15 minutes.
5. When you get old enough, people no longer expect as much of you. The world understands that we tire quickly, so that what, last year, would have been considered a lame attempt at a list, is this year considered "Pretty good for someone her age." Score!
(Thanks for missing me Kristina. I didn't realize how long it had been.)
I decided, in honor of this occasion, that I would write another list.
10 Reasons it is Awesome to be 31. Of course they have to be different than the reasons it is awesome to be 30 (though those ones still hold true), but I have only been 31 for like 12 hours, so....... Hey! Wait! I'm not going to make excuses for my list! I don't have to!
1. 31 is the magically age wherein you are no longer required to make excuses.
2. An old lady drove past me today wearing one of those plastic bonnet things. No umbrella for her. She didn't need one. Saw that it was snowing out, so she just donned her attractive, moisture-proof hat, and her hairdo was safe. Plus, she looked like a million bucks!
Awesome. Now, I can't wear one of those yet. I know that. In the same way that it is no longer appropriate for me to wear Tinkerbell accessories in public, the time has not yet come for me to wear this pretty headdress. But I'm thinking when I hit 40 I will be able to wear one with pride. And each year brings me closer to that glorious day.
3. I no longer have to worry about getting Hit On by guys when I go out. Yesterday, this was a huge problem, but today that problem is gone. Turning 31 has coated me in a "film of oldness" that lets all those men on the prowl out there know that there is nothing here for them to see. Phew! (The plastic rain hat can have a pretty similar effect, so those of you who aren't yet 31 may want to keep that in mind for keeping the men away.)
4. The older you get, the more stuff you can get away with. I was at DI yesterday, and this old man and his wife walked by. As they walked on, the old man passed gas in the loudest and longest fashion I think I have ever heard. A severe case of "The Vapors". And he just kept on walking, like it was no big deal. Ah, how I envy that old man. Again, I don't think I am quite there yet at 31, but I'm closer, and I can get away with, say, curlers at the grocery store. That is if I ever used curlers. And speaking of breaking wind, here is a comic that made me laugh for a good 15 minutes.
5. When you get old enough, people no longer expect as much of you. The world understands that we tire quickly, so that what, last year, would have been considered a lame attempt at a list, is this year considered "Pretty good for someone her age." Score!
(Thanks for missing me Kristina. I didn't realize how long it had been.)
Mar 13, 2009
5 Ways to Improve Your Marriage
We are taking a marriage class. Together, obviously. It would be a little pointless if we were both taking different classes. And we are getting all kinds of good info to strengthen our relationship. And I was feeling kinda stingy keeping it all to myself. So hold on to your hornets, cuz I am about to lay some knowledge on you!
1. Talk about your past together.
Each of you share your own memories of how you met, your first date, your first kiss, your engagement, stuff like that. Only share happy memories. Do not harp on and on, for instance, about that one time that that hot guy hit on you, and your husband was like "STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN" and the hot guy kicked your husband in the knee and stole your purse and ran away shouting "Take that, tough guy!"
2. Share your feelings.
Open up to each other. (Warning: This one should be executed very carefully, or you might not get the results you are looking for. On Friday we had a very good evening of sharing our feelings, and I guess now Richard feels that we have a very "honest" relationship because he won't shut up. Apparently now that he feels comfortable opening up to me, he thinks he can say ANYTHING to me and he spent last evening shouting "I want a Divorce!" every time I disagreed with him.)
3. Move your computers into the same room.
Now, instead of retiring to our own computers in two different rooms of the house at the end of the day, we are right next to each. So as he sits and plays his Star Wars computer game, and I write, I can hear him when he curses at the computer. To be right here when he yells "You Idiot! Why don't you just pick up the light saber when I tell you to!!!" is really special. I am sure this has made us closer.
4. Don't hit each other.
Once you stop beating each other you will be amazed at how your relationship changes. The no hitting rule has to be absolute to be effective. You should not hit each other with ANY body parts, either yours or theirs, or with pillows, eating utensils, basketballs, hockey sticks or other sports paraphernalia, books, bow staffs, rubber bands or food. I know it will be a challenge, but stick with it, and your sacrifice will pay off.
5. Learn to say no.
And by this I don't mean that you should learn to actually say "No" to your spouse from time to time. Don't be ridiculous. Everyone tells their spouse no. This is the 21st century after all. I mean learn HOW to say no. If, when you need to refuse your sweetie something, you always respond by screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" and stomping your feet, it could be a problem. You might also be stomping on some feelings. Just something to keep in mind.
We have only had two classes so far. So I made some of them up. You probably can't tell which ones though, can you? And number 4, that was Richard's. He has good ideas. He really wanted me to include something about costumes, but I said no.
1. Talk about your past together.
Each of you share your own memories of how you met, your first date, your first kiss, your engagement, stuff like that. Only share happy memories. Do not harp on and on, for instance, about that one time that that hot guy hit on you, and your husband was like "STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN" and the hot guy kicked your husband in the knee and stole your purse and ran away shouting "Take that, tough guy!"
2. Share your feelings.
Open up to each other. (Warning: This one should be executed very carefully, or you might not get the results you are looking for. On Friday we had a very good evening of sharing our feelings, and I guess now Richard feels that we have a very "honest" relationship because he won't shut up. Apparently now that he feels comfortable opening up to me, he thinks he can say ANYTHING to me and he spent last evening shouting "I want a Divorce!" every time I disagreed with him.)
3. Move your computers into the same room.
Now, instead of retiring to our own computers in two different rooms of the house at the end of the day, we are right next to each. So as he sits and plays his Star Wars computer game, and I write, I can hear him when he curses at the computer. To be right here when he yells "You Idiot! Why don't you just pick up the light saber when I tell you to!!!" is really special. I am sure this has made us closer.
4. Don't hit each other.
Once you stop beating each other you will be amazed at how your relationship changes. The no hitting rule has to be absolute to be effective. You should not hit each other with ANY body parts, either yours or theirs, or with pillows, eating utensils, basketballs, hockey sticks or other sports paraphernalia, books, bow staffs, rubber bands or food. I know it will be a challenge, but stick with it, and your sacrifice will pay off.
5. Learn to say no.
And by this I don't mean that you should learn to actually say "No" to your spouse from time to time. Don't be ridiculous. Everyone tells their spouse no. This is the 21st century after all. I mean learn HOW to say no. If, when you need to refuse your sweetie something, you always respond by screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" and stomping your feet, it could be a problem. You might also be stomping on some feelings. Just something to keep in mind.
We have only had two classes so far. So I made some of them up. You probably can't tell which ones though, can you? And number 4, that was Richard's. He has good ideas. He really wanted me to include something about costumes, but I said no.
Dec 27, 2008
The Great 8
I stole this from Joleen. (Thanks Joleen!) The responses are in no particular order and do not reflect the views of this station or its affiliates.
8 Favorite TV shows:
1. The Office
2. Pushing Daisies
3. Chuck
4. Psych
5. 30 Rock
6. Bones
7. Scrubs
8. Firefly
8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. The Bombay House.
2. The Indian place on Center Street.
3. The Indian Buffet in that old Wingers.
4. California Pizza Kitchen.
5. Bajio
6. The Little Acorn – those seriously are the BEST hamburgers.
7. Papa Johns.
8. This little Korean restaurant I went to in Hawaii. We chose all our food from a buffet (raw) and then brought it and cooked in on a grill right in the center of the table. Awesome!! I think that was the first time I had calamari. Not much of a fan. I also could have had Sea Horse that night, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.
8 Things that happened yesterday
1. We finally went and visited our 90 year old neighbor whose wife died a few months ago.
2. He was so happy to see us he kissed me on the cheek!
3. I thought for a minute that he was going to kiss me on the lips…
4. It snowed. Yeah, yeah, old news.
5. I bonked my left elbow on the banister.
6. I ate more candy than anyone has a right to.
7. I got dressed and put on socks.
8. From time to time I walked around the house with my eyes closed, on tip toe, humming the theme song from “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom”.
8 Things to look forward to:
1. Getting the floor down in the library.
2. Moving all the STUFF into the library that is currently spread out all around the house, just waiting for a place to belong.
3. Getting the dining room done.
4. Getting the sitting room done.
5. Hearing the word “Mommy” from Harrison.
6. Spring.
7. Getting the student loan paid off.
8. Senility.
8 Things on my wish list:
1. New dishes.
2. A new bedding set.
3. The remodeling to be done.
4. No more dust.
5. A maid.
6. A cook.
7. An absolutely incredible, stunning, amazing and breathtaking head of hair.
8. Yeah, I know, these are hollow, materialistic wishes. I’m not telling you the stuff I wish for deep down in my heart of hearts. That is none of your beeswax.
8 Things I love (like) about Winter:
1. Hot Chocolate.
2. Sweaters.
3. Fires in the fireplace.
4. Sledding.
5. Holidays.
6. Storms if I can curl up in my bed and I don’t have to leave the house till it is all over.
7. Especially really loud, windy storms.
8. I do like that the seasons change, but I am not so much in love with winter as I once was. Sorry Winter.
8 People I tag:
1. Nah. Use it if you wanna.
8 Favorite TV shows:
1. The Office
2. Pushing Daisies
3. Chuck
4. Psych
5. 30 Rock
6. Bones
7. Scrubs
8. Firefly
8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. The Bombay House.
2. The Indian place on Center Street.
3. The Indian Buffet in that old Wingers.
4. California Pizza Kitchen.
5. Bajio
6. The Little Acorn – those seriously are the BEST hamburgers.
7. Papa Johns.
8. This little Korean restaurant I went to in Hawaii. We chose all our food from a buffet (raw) and then brought it and cooked in on a grill right in the center of the table. Awesome!! I think that was the first time I had calamari. Not much of a fan. I also could have had Sea Horse that night, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.
8 Things that happened yesterday
1. We finally went and visited our 90 year old neighbor whose wife died a few months ago.
2. He was so happy to see us he kissed me on the cheek!
3. I thought for a minute that he was going to kiss me on the lips…
4. It snowed. Yeah, yeah, old news.
5. I bonked my left elbow on the banister.
6. I ate more candy than anyone has a right to.
7. I got dressed and put on socks.
8. From time to time I walked around the house with my eyes closed, on tip toe, humming the theme song from “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom”.
8 Things to look forward to:
1. Getting the floor down in the library.
2. Moving all the STUFF into the library that is currently spread out all around the house, just waiting for a place to belong.
3. Getting the dining room done.
4. Getting the sitting room done.
5. Hearing the word “Mommy” from Harrison.
6. Spring.
7. Getting the student loan paid off.
8. Senility.
8 Things on my wish list:
1. New dishes.
2. A new bedding set.
3. The remodeling to be done.
4. No more dust.
5. A maid.
6. A cook.
7. An absolutely incredible, stunning, amazing and breathtaking head of hair.
8. Yeah, I know, these are hollow, materialistic wishes. I’m not telling you the stuff I wish for deep down in my heart of hearts. That is none of your beeswax.
8 Things I love (like) about Winter:
1. Hot Chocolate.
2. Sweaters.
3. Fires in the fireplace.
4. Sledding.
5. Holidays.
6. Storms if I can curl up in my bed and I don’t have to leave the house till it is all over.
7. Especially really loud, windy storms.
8. I do like that the seasons change, but I am not so much in love with winter as I once was. Sorry Winter.
8 People I tag:
1. Nah. Use it if you wanna.
Oct 10, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #2 - 13 Signs That You are Surrounded by Nerds.
1. Your husband reads text books for fun.
2. You brother-in-law thinks that the new software he got that makes his iPhone sound like a light saber when he swishes it around is pretty cool.
3. Your husband is jealous that he doesn’t have said light-saber thingy on his phone.
4. Your company party usually translates into a night of rigorous Halo playing.
5. Your boss wears Scooby Doo pajamas pants to work.
6. You get used to falling asleep to the soft blue light of your husbands laptop.
7. Nearly everyone you know has at one time dressed up in character to go to a movie premier; As a Jedi, one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Wolverine, etc.
8. Your brother makes Star Wars fan flicks.
9. One of your husband’s favorite things is flashlights.
10. A date night with your husband almost always involves a quick stop at CompUSA just to “look around”.
11. Your brother gets gun cases, tactical vests, and a years supply of ammo all for his vast collection of airsoft guns.
12. Your husband would rather watch old Star Trek reruns than football.
13. A friend writes a blog post entirely in ASCII, and almost all his readers decode it. (Seriously, you have to check this out.)
2. You brother-in-law thinks that the new software he got that makes his iPhone sound like a light saber when he swishes it around is pretty cool.
3. Your husband is jealous that he doesn’t have said light-saber thingy on his phone.
4. Your company party usually translates into a night of rigorous Halo playing.
5. Your boss wears Scooby Doo pajamas pants to work.
6. You get used to falling asleep to the soft blue light of your husbands laptop.
7. Nearly everyone you know has at one time dressed up in character to go to a movie premier; As a Jedi, one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Wolverine, etc.
8. Your brother makes Star Wars fan flicks.
9. One of your husband’s favorite things is flashlights.
10. A date night with your husband almost always involves a quick stop at CompUSA just to “look around”.
11. Your brother gets gun cases, tactical vests, and a years supply of ammo all for his vast collection of airsoft guns.
12. Your husband would rather watch old Star Trek reruns than football.
13. A friend writes a blog post entirely in ASCII, and almost all his readers decode it. (Seriously, you have to check this out.)
Oct 2, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #1 - The List List
So I just discovered Thursday Thirteen.
I really wanted to do one, and though I came up with lots of ideas for lists, I couldn't actually think of 13 things to put on each list. So, today is the List List. Perhaps someday I will be inspired enough to be able to actually think of stuff to fill these lists up, but that day is not today. If any of you are interested in using one of these list ideas, feel free.
1. 13 ways to say "Let's Just Be Friends":
- this might include things like: "So, I have this really gross looking rash. But it probably isn't contagious."
2. 13 things I should have done today and didn't:
- like shaving my legs before I went to the doctor's. I didn't know I was going to have to wear a hospital gown!!
3. 13 things I want to say and don't:
4. 13 reasons I love my tiny little laundry closet:
5. 13 ways to wake up happier:
- Go to sleep with a very deadly scorpion in your bed. Then, if you wake up at all, you already have one thing to be happy about!
6. 13 things my husband wishes were different about me:
- That sometimes I would dress like a girl from a White Snake Video. (This list is just a bad idea. If I continue to ask him what things he would change about me, either he will have to lie and say "Nothing Dear. You are truly the picture of perfection and beauty." or he will tell the truth and I will be really mad at him. Lose/lose.)
7. 13 Things I found in the backseat of my car.
- More goldfish crackers than I ever would have thought possible:
8. 13 places I looked for the baby's sippy cup full of milk:
- None of the places I looked was the right place, so there is still a cup full of milk SOMEWHERE, and I just don't know where else to look!!!
9. 13 things I can do with my eyes closed:
10. 13 reasons I love "Pushing Daisies":
11. 13 things I need to throw away, but can't bring myself to:
- The robe I made for myself. It is very pink. Not that there is anything wrong with pink, it's just that it is SO VERY pink. Not to mention the sleeves. I thought the baggy sleeves in the pattern might make my arms look too big (I'm a dork), so I altered the pattern a bit and now the sleeves are so small I can barely get my arms in. Oh what a clever seamstress am I!
12. 13 things my baby uses his head for:
- Closing the cupboard doors. He will open them over and over so that he can close them with his head.
13. 13 books on my "To Read" list:
I really wanted to do one, and though I came up with lots of ideas for lists, I couldn't actually think of 13 things to put on each list. So, today is the List List. Perhaps someday I will be inspired enough to be able to actually think of stuff to fill these lists up, but that day is not today. If any of you are interested in using one of these list ideas, feel free.
1. 13 ways to say "Let's Just Be Friends":
- this might include things like: "So, I have this really gross looking rash. But it probably isn't contagious."
2. 13 things I should have done today and didn't:
- like shaving my legs before I went to the doctor's. I didn't know I was going to have to wear a hospital gown!!
3. 13 things I want to say and don't:
4. 13 reasons I love my tiny little laundry closet:
5. 13 ways to wake up happier:
- Go to sleep with a very deadly scorpion in your bed. Then, if you wake up at all, you already have one thing to be happy about!
6. 13 things my husband wishes were different about me:
- That sometimes I would dress like a girl from a White Snake Video. (This list is just a bad idea. If I continue to ask him what things he would change about me, either he will have to lie and say "Nothing Dear. You are truly the picture of perfection and beauty." or he will tell the truth and I will be really mad at him. Lose/lose.)
7. 13 Things I found in the backseat of my car.
- More goldfish crackers than I ever would have thought possible:
8. 13 places I looked for the baby's sippy cup full of milk:
- None of the places I looked was the right place, so there is still a cup full of milk SOMEWHERE, and I just don't know where else to look!!!
9. 13 things I can do with my eyes closed:
10. 13 reasons I love "Pushing Daisies":
11. 13 things I need to throw away, but can't bring myself to:
- The robe I made for myself. It is very pink. Not that there is anything wrong with pink, it's just that it is SO VERY pink. Not to mention the sleeves. I thought the baggy sleeves in the pattern might make my arms look too big (I'm a dork), so I altered the pattern a bit and now the sleeves are so small I can barely get my arms in. Oh what a clever seamstress am I!
12. 13 things my baby uses his head for:
- Closing the cupboard doors. He will open them over and over so that he can close them with his head.
13. 13 books on my "To Read" list:
Aug 4, 2008
Another List
So tonight was the combined activity. Lynsie gave us the idea to play sock tag, so we told everyone to bring socks and we were in business. The game is this: everyone puts a sock in their back pocket and then you run around trying to steals socks from other people without getting your own stolen. It wasn't sure I should play; I'm not entirely comfortable grabbing at people's hind quarters, or having them grab at mine. But I like to be an example of participation, so I stuck a borrowed bobby sock in my pocket and away we went. The kids seemed to have a great time for the most part - as much as 12 year old boys and girls can when they are together. And so did I. (For some reason the grammar checker is telling me at this point that the correct grammar would be "So did me.") But in the last game I was running from a young man who was going for my sock and since I was still wearing socks, I slipped and hit the ground hard and he took my sock and ran. Hello! Check and see if I am all right at least! I was fine, of course, and I don't like to be fawned over, but maybe you could be a bit of a gentleman? Kids!! Anyway, blah blah blah, what it comes down to is, if I am going to be falling down a lot, maybe I should stay on the sidelines during games like these. I am not as young as I once was - as I've said - and if there is one thing the Young Women do not need to see it is me breaking my hip.
Other things the Young Women don't need to see me do:
Other things the Young Women don't need to see me do:
- Dance. And by this I mean the way I might dance in a night club. (If I went to night clubs. Which I don't. But you know what I mean: lots of prancing, arm swinging and flamboyant hip movements.)
- Ride a Unicycle. This goes back to me breaking my hip again.
- Strut my stuff in a swimming suit. I think this goes without saying.
- Cry. I have a tendency to bawl, which includes lots of snot, tears, gulping, and a red face.
- Run. Which includes lots of snot, tears, gulping, and a red face.
- Be Dismembered. The reasons for this might not be quite as obvious as some of the others, but trust me; it is not a good idea.
- Throw Up. I'm not really sure anymore why the Young Women are the only ones who shouldn't see this stuff.
- Talk to an Automated Phone System. Automated phone systems are the most evil force in the universe. I cannot be on the phone with one for more than 30 seconds before I start yelling.
Jul 20, 2008
10 Reasons it is Awesome to be 30
The age of 30 is a milestone. When you are young, 30 sounds so terribly MIDDLE AGED, that you think you may as well give up on youth and happiness, and resign yourself to mortgages, slow metabolism and graying hair. Well I am here to inform all you young whippersnappers that really isn't the case. And while I do indeed feel older, I want to list just a few of the reasons why being 30 is awesome, and I highly recommend it to everyone.
- Wisdom. Yes, my wisdom runneth over. They say wisdom comes with age (they also say that sometimes age comes alone) and what I have lost in energy and enthusiasm I have more than made up for in wisdom and street smarts. (Wow, I could barely type that for laughing.) I think you will find as you go through this list that 30 year olds are wise indeed.
- I can eat whatever I want. And because I can eat what I want AND I also know what is good for me, I usually eat very healthy. But every once in a while, if I feel like it, I can make terrible food choices and nobody can give me guff about it. I went out to dinner with some friends recently, and all I ordered was a huge piece of carrot cake. Just cake for dinner and that is it. This particular restaurant has what has been called "The Best Carrot Cake On Earth" (by me), and whenever we go there Richard and I usually get a piece to share which I can never completely enjoy because I am already too full from dinner. So I swore in my wrath "NOT THIS TIME!" and I ate cake for dinner and it was glorious.
- Being a mom. Yes, that happens much younger for most people, but younger people also eat whatever they want to. Bear with me. Kids are cool; I didn't realize how cool until I started trying to raise one myself. And now that the kid is here, I am also glad for all my years of childless freedom and experiences, as well as the boundless wisdom I amassed to help me through this parenting adventure.
- Being able to laugh at myself. I just read number 3 again. Who writes like that?
- Money. True, there is more of it than in times past. But I am also so much less dumb about it than ever before. I have learned to control my urges for purses, shoes, and redundant household appliances that I don't need or have room for and save my money for the stuff I really DO want. It is an incredibly empowering feeling. And these money smarts are brought to you today by "turning 3o and the wisdom that comes along with it".
- Confidence. I'm fine with who I am, which, even if I had wanted to say it when I was a teenager, I never ever could have. That kind of thing just isn't done. Teenagers are not really allowed to like themselves. But now I know what I am. I know who I am. I know what I'm good at, know what I'm bad at, and I am just fine with that. If someone asks me to play basketball, I can gladly say "No! I stink at basketball! I choose not to parade my clumsiness about on the court in that fashion!" But if someone asks me to paint a family portrait of them, I will proudly exclaim "Yes! I shall paint your portrait! And you may display it on your wall in all the glory it deserves!" (I'm just kidding. I'm not an artist. But I am good at making up ridiculous lies, see?)
- Reaching the age of Authority. I've decided that I am old enough to call young men "Sonny Boy", and young women "Missy" and that I have enough authority in my age to expect them youngsters to obey me when I order them about.
- People call me ma'am. This is closely tied to number 7. People call me ma'am, and when they do, I can't help but think 'That's right I'm a ma'am, you insignificant speck! Respect me! RESPECT ME!!' It is quite a heady brew, I can tell you.
- Having an excuse for my infirmities and memory loss. Example: "Hey, Elesa! Do you want to go on a strenuous 10 mile hike, packing in all our food and camping supplies?" "No. I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm 30." "Say, Elesa, do you remember that guy with the tattoo of Alexander the Grape on his calf?" "No, I do not. But that is probably because I am 30." See how handy that is?
- 40 doesn't seem as old anymore. And since it is coming, as sure as shootin', it is just as well that I get used to the idea. I am also fully aware that when I turn 40 I will look back on this and think "Boy, I sure didn't know a thing", but for now, that is just fine with me.
Mar 9, 2008
What I have learned from T.V.
The invaluable lessons I have learned from watching television. And mom always said it would rot my brain! Bah!
1) I DESERVE a lot of things. Not for any reason. I just do. I deserve a great job and a big salary and an expensive car and a nice house, and thus it is my right to get really mad when the world doesn’t hand those things to me, preferably on a platter.
2) Cloning is a BAD idea! Before long there will be no original DNA left and it will start to break down and we'll be forced to harvest alien DNA to sustain our race!
3) In most situations, men are very stupid and incompetent. They are incapable of doing menial tasks, such as folding up strollers, loading the dishwasher, waving a little fan without getting hurt, etc.
4) When hunting the Mongolian Death Worm, and waiting in the dark with your flashlight for it to crawl from it's underground home, no matter how impatient or curious you get, DON'T STICK YOUR HAND IN THE HOLE!
5) Plastic is the only way to pay. If you use cash or check then you are selfish, dimwitted and uncoordinated, and you are really going to screw everybody else up.
7) For the most part, guards and low level security detail are very easy to knock out. Everyone knows this. Simply throw them into a wall or into another security guard, hit them in the head with your purse (or whatever you have on hand), or lure them under a waiting sand bag. Thud!
9) To add an air of sophistication and refinement to any food, you can add the description "New York Style". Use it with pizza, sandwiches, chips, seasonings, burritos, etc. This holds true for any food except for salsa; use it with salsa and you will be mocked and ridiculed by Cowfolk everywhere.
10) When stealing something out from under someone’s nose, or more especially when their back is turned, it’s important to say "Yoink!"
11) Without some sophisticated tools, it is impossible to cut in a strait line or open a can of soup. If you try, you will make a mess of it, and probably cut yourself very badly.
12) Lastly and, I think, most importantly, what I have learned from T.V. is that this commercial makes me laugh every single time I see it.
Feb 26, 2008
At the risk of getting political and possibly offending my gender, I would like to make some observations.
(1) Lists are really super fun.
(2) Men and Women are different. Says so on the deodorant and multivitamin commercials.
(3) I really hope Hilary Clinton is not our next president. If you love her, that's swell, but don't bother telling me why I should change my mind. I don't really care.
(4) Most people prefer to look past gender and instead focus on the issues. That is nice of them, but ultimately unfair. Our differences as women are often our greatest strengths.
(5) Unfortunately, the things that make women different from men can also be considered definite weaknesses, especially in our Commander in Chief. I am including a short video clip to illustrate some of the complications that can arise by having a woman in charge.
There you have it. Catastrophe. Calamity. Carnage.
(6) Bon Jovi's portrayal of the alien Blorax is Breathtaking.
(1) Lists are really super fun.
(2) Men and Women are different. Says so on the deodorant and multivitamin commercials.
(3) I really hope Hilary Clinton is not our next president. If you love her, that's swell, but don't bother telling me why I should change my mind. I don't really care.
(4) Most people prefer to look past gender and instead focus on the issues. That is nice of them, but ultimately unfair. Our differences as women are often our greatest strengths.
(5) Unfortunately, the things that make women different from men can also be considered definite weaknesses, especially in our Commander in Chief. I am including a short video clip to illustrate some of the complications that can arise by having a woman in charge.
There you have it. Catastrophe. Calamity. Carnage.
(6) Bon Jovi's portrayal of the alien Blorax is Breathtaking.
Oct 23, 2007
Elbow Tag was always my favorite.
Tagging, for those who don't know, is the practice of posting small assignments on your blog and then passing those assignments on to others. It's similar to, but should not be confused with, the game of tag popular on elementary school playgrounds. In my day this mostly consisted of someone running up behind you and punching you in the shoulder while yelling "TAG! YOU'RE IT! HA HA HA!" The response to this was usually "But I'm not even playing!!".
Anne Tagged me. The assignment is to name 6 interesting facts about myself. There really are more than 6 interesting things about me. So don't go thinking that this list is all inclusive or anything.
1) When I clean out my right ear with a cotton swab, it makes me cough.
2) When I'm nervous I cough. Yep, two things on my list about coughing. This one time, I got up to sing with the choir, and I started coughing, and kept on coughing and coughing until the song was over. Another time, at school, this guy I liked came and sat next to me. He was so cute and he was being so nice that I started coughing like crazy and had to run out of the room.
3) I have a small midget staying with me indefinitely. He doesn't speak English, so I can't be sure, but I believe he has come to study the washing machine. It seems as though our laundry technology is years ahead of his.
4) I LOVE Mystery Science Theater 3000. Oh... wait... It doesn't really count as an interesting fact about me if everyone else in the world feels the same way, does it?
5) I can only count to five.
Now, Marion, Mahubble, Arlene and Lance should all do it. If you don't, you have to freeze until someone touches you on the shoulder.
Anne Tagged me. The assignment is to name 6 interesting facts about myself. There really are more than 6 interesting things about me. So don't go thinking that this list is all inclusive or anything.
1) When I clean out my right ear with a cotton swab, it makes me cough.
2) When I'm nervous I cough. Yep, two things on my list about coughing. This one time, I got up to sing with the choir, and I started coughing, and kept on coughing and coughing until the song was over. Another time, at school, this guy I liked came and sat next to me. He was so cute and he was being so nice that I started coughing like crazy and had to run out of the room.
3) I have a small midget staying with me indefinitely. He doesn't speak English, so I can't be sure, but I believe he has come to study the washing machine. It seems as though our laundry technology is years ahead of his.
4) I LOVE Mystery Science Theater 3000. Oh... wait... It doesn't really count as an interesting fact about me if everyone else in the world feels the same way, does it?
5) I can only count to five.
Now, Marion, Mahubble, Arlene and Lance should all do it. If you don't, you have to freeze until someone touches you on the shoulder.
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