The Best Thing to Read on April Fool's Day

Apr 2, 2012

If you've been here a while, you might remember that today, April 1st, is my Birthday.  My birthday posts (1, 2, & 3) are always wildly controversial and full of vivid and colorful imagery.  And now I am 34.  I am even older and even smarter.  So this post is sure to be a doozy.  (it is probably a good idea to get your hopes up at this point.)  I wanted to title it  "34 Unrelated Things" but then I thought no one would read it.  34 things is a lot to expect people to get through, especially for some of my 3rd Grade Readers.  I'm not sure I can even WRITE 34 things, but you've got to have goals, right?

I have 34 years, and soon my blog will have a list with 34 things on it.  That is birthday symmetry.  Here We Go!

1.  I don't really get into April Fool's Day.  I think it is because April Fool's Day has been stealing the thunder from my birthday since  the day I was born.  Is it too much to ask to have ME be the center of the universe for just one day?  All I want are gifts and grand overtures of affection, and all I get are jokes and tricks.  You have incurred my wrath, April Fool's Day, and you will pay!

2.  HOWEVER, Harrison caught on to the fun of April Fool's day today after his cousin tricked him a couple times, and he started saying things like "There is a spider on your back." or "Look outside!  There is a police man with no shoes on.  Never Fools!"  And that was pretty darn fun.

3. Recently, I was in charge of a Relief Society Program that involved lots of singing.  And I needed Soloists.  Which was no easy task. And even after begging and bribing I was still one singer short.  And I finally realized I was either going to have to cut out a song, or sing it myself.  But the song was one of my favorites, and mostly in my range, and so I decided to just do it.  Because I believe in the church it is willingness, and not ability, that is important.  I'm an ok singer.  I'm a good Alto.  But I'm not a soloist.  I just don't have the voice for it.  But I did it anyway. I practiced and practiced--mostly in the shower--and I got to the point where I started to think "What was I worrying about?  I'm a great singer!"   So imagine my surprise when I just didn't sound the same once I was singing in front of an audience.   I really didn't feel that nervous.  Especially considering how terrifying it was to sing in front of all those people all by myself.   And so I was also surprised when my hands went numb. Completely numb. I stood there, singing away, while my hands sort of formed themselves into these claws and I couldn't move them or feel them or anything, and they just lay there like disembodied stumped on the pulpit in front of me.  Thank goodness my song didn't have any hand motions to go with it.

4.  If all of my 34 things are as long as that last one, you will all fall asleep before you reach the end.

5. I have a blister on my middle finger.  It is a hot glue injury.  I get a lot of those.  Which is why I never operate a hot glue gun without safety glasses on!

6. I find that I prefer reading blogs that include lots of pictures.  I also understand that looking at pictures does not really constitute "reading".

7. Did you hear that David Tennant got married?  At the beginning of the year I think.  To the girl who played Jenny, the Doctor's daughter on "The Doctor's Daughter." from season 4.

 And, if you can believe the awesomeness of it, she also happens to be the daughter of Peter Davison, who played the 5th Doctor.

I hope their love doesn't rip open the fabric of Space.

8.  What is the #1 concern of all people on their way to their High School Reunion?    No, not the music that will be played.  Or whether there will be enough finger food (those are concern #3 and #2 respectively.)
The #1 concern is this:
"Boy, I hope I look even better now than I did in Highschool!"
Cuz nobody wants to age badly.  We are smarter and richer and less annoying, and it only makes sense that we would want to look better too.  But how?  How can it be done?  If you are at the height of your physical health and beauty at 18, what hope is there for the future?
The answer, my friends, is obvious.  Look Bad in High School. If you had stupid hair and dumb clothes, then you are just a haircut and a change of clothes away from significant improvement.  Easy!

9.  I'm not a germaphobe, but I am always annoyed when I got into those public restrooms that seem to be all set up so that you don't have to touch anything; i.e. automatic flush, automatic soap, automatic faucet, automatic hand dryers or automatic paper towels, and then you STILL have to pull the doors open when you leave the room.  It drives me crazy!

10.  In honor of my birthday I'd like to giveaway some stuff to a few lucky people!  Here is a list of the prizes!
  1. a half used box of fake nails.
  2. one of those cheapy glasses cases, complete with glasses, the prescription of which is unknown.
  3. a 12 year old bottle of multivitamins
  4. an unused Q-Tip
  5. 3 bottles of conditioner, 15% full
  6. a 32 mb CF card.
This winners will be chosen at random and in secret, so keep your fingers crossed!

11.  Yesterday I cleaned out my bathroom cabinet, so that is great.

12.  Someday my husband and I are going to make a movie called Nerd Fighters of the Waste, about a post apocalyptic world where the nerds ban together and fashion makeshift technology out of the wire from their braces and the extra thick glass from their spectacles.

13.   You know, I want to be just as healthy as the next guy - assuming the next guy is a three year old or something.  That is why I eat trail mix.  Yes, that right there is the one and only reason.  Walmart sells this trail mix that I think is pretty good.  It doesn't have any crap like grasshoppers or dried papaya in it or anything like that.  Just peanuts, cashews, raisins, almonds and M&M's.  Good stuff, all except the almonds.  Nothing personal, I just think they are too hard.  If I have to work that hard to bite through a nut I'd like there to be a pearl inside.  So yeah, this is a good, basic trail mix for most snacking and hiking needs but still, I can't help thinking there is room for some improvement.  Because, and let's all be honest here and admit that the best part is the M&M's. And there are never enough.   So now when I buy it I like to also buy a bag of M&M's and mix those right in.   And then I buy some Peanut M&M's and maybe some Peanut Butter M&M's too cuz those are delicious and mix it all together until I've finally got my ratio's right and I am just eating a bag of candy and calling it Trailmix. Woohoo!

14.  Have I mentioned that we bought an old Motorhome that my husband is rebuilding?  I have lots of plans to tell you all about it once there are lots of interesting things to tell.  I'm sure we'll get back around to it someday.  Because when we retire we have every intention of seeing the world in our Motorhome.  We can drive around, visit all of our Grandchildren, eat at Mom & Pop diners and solve crimes.  Sounds pretty great, huh?

15.  I am so happy about Catherine Tate being on The Office.  I was just about to quit watching.  I decided to just try watching ONE more, to be sure, and they went down to Florida and Dwight got appendicitis and Nellie was there in all her Red Headed Glory and suddenly it was all funny again.  I'm laughing inside right now.

16. There is no way I'm going to be able to come up with 34 things.   I'm going to bed.