A lot of thoughts that don't seem to be connected, but really, deep down inside, they are.

I've started watching "Neat" on FitTV. In this show a Professional Organizer (coolest job ever) goes to people's houses and helps them organize a couple of rooms: their kitchen, or their garage or whatever. Finally! A reason to watch the fitness channel! I am not the most organized gal in town, and I really like this show because 1) It teaches lots of good tips for organizing my own life, and 2) The people whose homes they organize are WAY messier than me. It makes me feel good about myself.

But I have this tendency to buy things we don't need and don't have room for. I really need to stop doing this. I am not all that much of a pack rat, so I just end up getting rid of the useless thing in a year or so, and wondering why I ever bothered to spend the money. It is really pretty dumb.

For instance:

At Target the other day, my husband and I bought THESE. They will be very handy for camping, but, honestly, that is not why we bought them. We bought them because they are fun.

I am not the fanciest cook. If I manage to make a side dish to go along with dinner it makes me feel like quite the culinary artist, but there is room on these trays for TWO side dishes, so now I find myself planning my meals so we can have enough different foods to fill the trays up. Dork.

and another thing! I can't put them in the dishwasher! Ok, not totally true. I can, but only on the top rack. Just two trays would fill the whole top rack up, which is just too much of a waste. So I wash them by hand. And as I washed them the first time I was suddenly reminded of the 4th grade when I worked in the lunchroom. I helped serve lunch and wash dishes so that I could eat school lunch. Not all that much to tell about that, actually. Just a chapter in my life I would rather forget. Just kidding!.... Though in reality I have forgotten most of it, so, you know, I can't tell you about it anyway.

But that reminds me of another memory, when I was maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade. And I packed my own lunch for school. I probably often packed my own lunch, but this one time stands out because all I packed for myself was chocolate cake. I remember so clearly, opening up my "Secret of NIMH" lunch box, and seeing inside just one giant wedge of chocolate cake. Awesome. Of course my mom probably wouldn't have let me if she had known about it, but I'm sure I could have snuck it past her. There were like a million of us kids and she couldn't possibly keep track of all of us. Is this a real memory, or was it a dream? It sounds a little too good to be true doesn't it? But I'm going to say it was real, because it is one of my very favorite memories. Mmmmmm, chocolate cake.

The Year in Review

So it is March. Whatever.

Here are a few search terms that people entered that led them to my blog. You've seen it done before I'm sure, and now you are going to see me do it. Here goes:

"body breaks down after age"
There were a whole bunch of these. "Body at Age 30", "age at which body begins to show signs of age". etc. etc. I'm just glad that Google led them to me. Because of this very informative post. I mean, no one will ever just tell you that the day you turn 30 your body is going to start falling apart. You can ask your doctor, and he will probably say that you are fine. And any expert you meet will likely say that there is no ONE age when your body will begin to show signs of aging, but it is simply untrue. And clearly statistics say that I am not the only one who has noticed this. I mean, come on, there were like 20 different search values all leading to the same thing. Numbers that big don't lie. When you turn 30 your body starts giving up and people are noticing.

"i hate mary kay"

I have to wonder about this one. I never said I hate Mary Kay, did I? Oh, maybe it sent them to this post. Yeah, now it is making sense. I just wonder what it is they were looking for? A club to join? Looking for news of a plot for revenge? I can only hope they found it and wish them well.

"knowing is half the sandwich"
Well of course they would come here. Knowing is half the sandwich, and my blog is the other half. Eat up.

"under the table" "her gum"

This obviously has reference to something much deeper than it seems.

am ismart enough for high school, quiz
based on your grammar and typing? I'm gonna say, No.

anger management internet
Ah. Yes. My time tested, age old, fool proof anger management system. It is a lucky, lucky soul who implements it.

can i wear white pants on march 15

Oh, I am so glad you asked. Let me check for you..... and No. No you may not. The safety zone doesn't fall until after memorial day, so just put those white britches back in storage until summer missy!

can men do the uneven bars
Why yes they can! As I'm sure this curious googler found out. Behold!

computer programmers are nerds
yes, that's true, and I don't see how googling it is going to change anything.

ender's game life lessons
Ooh, that is something I will have to work on.

fashion faux pas wearing linen before memorial day
I've not heard that one before, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it is a faux pas. Linen just requires so much ironing! Why would anyone do that to themselves?

how to be a funny husband
I can just picture in my head the guy that googled this. I can't help but feel kinda bad for him.

humorous toilet rules
They may be funny, but they are still rules, so lets show them a little respect, shall we?

love to see u cry elesa

Too bad. I have no heart. I do not cry.

men uneven body side photo
ha haa. ha hahahah. ha . ha haha! ha haha hhaaa. It is hard to type when I am laughing so hard. Do you think some poor guy was afraid HE was uneven, so he was looking for a picture online to compare to? Or maybe was hoping to find a picture of some horribly lopsided fellow so as to make himself feel better? I just hope it isn't the same guy who is trying to figure out how to be funny.

proverb "ride the tiger"
Good thing they found me! Otherwise they might have read the proverb and never understood it!

ringy dingy doo da ringy dingy doo da ringy dingy doo da ringy d
That just seems a little compulsive to me. Did they even realize they were typing it, or is that just what comes out when they sit in front of a keyboard?

Well, that is it. Join us again next year for another exciting edition of "The Year In Review"!!

(The above information came from reports for Jan 2008 through Feb 2009.)

5 Ways to Improve Your Marriage

We are taking a marriage class. Together, obviously. It would be a little pointless if we were both taking different classes. And we are getting all kinds of good info to strengthen our relationship. And I was feeling kinda stingy keeping it all to myself. So hold on to your hornets, cuz I am about to lay some knowledge on you!

1. Talk about your past together.
Each of you share your own memories of how you met, your first date, your first kiss, your engagement, stuff like that. Only share happy memories. Do not harp on and on, for instance, about that one time that that hot guy hit on you, and your husband was like "STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN" and the hot guy kicked your husband in the knee and stole your purse and ran away shouting "Take that, tough guy!"

2. Share your feelings.
Open up to each other. (Warning: This one should be executed very carefully, or you might not get the results you are looking for. On Friday we had a very good evening of sharing our feelings, and I guess now Richard feels that we have a very "honest" relationship because he won't shut up. Apparently now that he feels comfortable opening up to me, he thinks he can say ANYTHING to me and he spent last evening shouting "I want a Divorce!" every time I disagreed with him.)

3. Move your computers into the same room.
Now, instead of retiring to our own computers in two different rooms of the house at the end of the day, we are right next to each. So as he sits and plays his Star Wars computer game, and I write, I can hear him when he curses at the computer. To be right here when he yells "You Idiot! Why don't you just pick up the light saber when I tell you to!!!" is really special. I am sure this has made us closer.

4. Don't hit each other.
Once you stop beating each other you will be amazed at how your relationship changes. The no hitting rule has to be absolute to be effective. You should not hit each other with ANY body parts, either yours or theirs, or with pillows, eating utensils, basketballs, hockey sticks or other sports paraphernalia, books, bow staffs, rubber bands or food. I know it will be a challenge, but stick with it, and your sacrifice will pay off.

5. Learn to say no.
And by this I don't mean that you should learn to actually say "No" to your spouse from time to time. Don't be ridiculous. Everyone tells their spouse no. This is the 21st century after all. I mean learn HOW to say no. If, when you need to refuse your sweetie something, you always respond by screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" and stomping your feet, it could be a problem. You might also be stomping on some feelings. Just something to keep in mind.

We have only had two classes so far. So I made some of them up. You probably can't tell which ones though, can you? And number 4, that was Richard's. He has good ideas. He really wanted me to include something about costumes, but I said no.

My Journal

When I pulled out my first journal so that I could show you all how I saw myself when I was 6, I ended up flipping through it for a while. Mostly I was a pretty annoying little kid. But here are some of the excerpts that I liked.

On a page all by itself, with no date, was this:

I'm in third grade now and I'm eight and 2/1.

That makes me giggle. If I was 8 and 2/1, does that mean I was really 10? Golly, fractions are tricky.

Here is another. In 1989 I would have been 11. I wanted this to be accurate, so I didn't correct my punctuation.

Thur Jun 1 1989
Dear Journal
Hi this day was boring. I woke up and did my schedule then we had home summer school after that we played barbies until lunch after lunch we played barbies until dinner during dinner we watched T.V.. Then we had story time and I made paper doll clothes. then Demi's friends came over and one of them said that I was beautiful and that when I grow up I going to have tons of boys chasing me
then I went to bed.

Boy, I was a lazy punctuator. Except for T.V. I made sure to add periods to that. Oh, the stuff I chose to write about. And that never happened, by the way, the getting chased by tons of boys things. I was always kinda miffed about that.

April, Wed 18, 90
Today was absolutly marvelous. We had our dance today in school and.......Well let me tell you about my day. I woke at 6:30. Then got into my blueish green skirt. And asked Demi if I could borrow her white sweater. I did my hair then went to Amy's house. When I got to school all the girls said they loved my skirt and my earings, (which were Sabina's) And a lot of the boys told me they liked my earings. 2nd [period] was fine, 3rd was fine. Lunch was great (I didn't spill any katsup on me!) Then at 12:00 we went to the dance.

The fact that I wrote about NOT spilling ketchup on myself should give you some idea of how much much time I spent with food on my clothes. I still do, come to think of it. Oh polyester! You are my friend!

And then, on June 16th, 1990, I bear my testimony for the first time:

Anyway, there something I have to tell you I'm Mormon. I just realized you didn't know that and I ought to let you know. I mean, I just always asumed you knew. But you hold my life. And my being a Mormon is a BIG part of my life. Well I'm going now bye.

I always wrote each entry like a letter. And for some reason this same year, sometimes I would sign the entries Penny, and one time, Yolanda, with no explanation. Why did I do this? Who knows?

If I kill the Lion, does that make ME the Lion King?

I had a dream last night that I was thrown, with a bunch of other unsuspecting females, into some sort of survival of the fittest game. It had been a pretty harrowing day when they brought out the wild animals. And informed us that we would have to kill or be killed. The girl next to me said she would just rather let the animals kill her and get it over with. I could see her point. But more than that, I didn't want to get eaten by a lion. So I picked up the nearest rock, which turned out to be an animal skull, and stole a knitting needle from the lady next to me and I was ready to go. Luckily for the lion I woke up at this point, because I was about to either give him the business, or knit his mane into a scarf. Look Out!

I haven't changed a day since I was 6.

I have camera issues, so I can't take a picture of my hair. I will, however, draw a picture of my hair, just how she styled it, which should give you a pretty good idea what my hair was like.

Yes, I drew it in Photoshop. How does anyone draw with a mouse? It weren't easy, but even so, this sketch is remarkably accurate. My nose is just like that. You can see why I have scheduled that nose job.

Drawing this picture of myself reminded me of another picture I once drew of myself. This is a page straight out of my very first journal.

Pretty uncanny right? I obviously had a very undistorted self image. I know my hair looked just about like that most of the time. Though why my mom let a 6-year-old run around in that outfit is anyone's guess.

When I showed this picture to Richard, he said "Wow. I guess you wanted to be a hoochie when you grew up. Whatever happened to that girl? You know, you can wear that outfit for me anytime you want."

I especially like the shoes I am wearing. Fancy!

A Hair Cut - My 2 Bits

So I got my haircut the other day. I went to Super Cuts because it is cheap and close and I am cheap and lazy. I have long ago accepted the idea that I will have to get my haircut from people whose hair frightens me. Hair stylists are often known for having funky hair, or, in the case of this little Utah town, known for having BIG hair. But despite the fact that they have crazy hair, they usually do a good job. And I am usually willing to take a risk. It is worth it for the price and convenience.

So a lady I have never seen before, with bigger hair than most, cut my hair this time. I told her I wasn't sure what I wanted (my first mistake), but was considering lots of layers. However, we both agreed that my hair was probably too thin to pull it off. So she said she would just do a trim and a little layering to give it some "movement". Then I took off my glasses and read my book (my 2nd mistake). When I put my glasses back on at the end and looked up I could see that she had layered it very extensively, mullet style, and my hair WAS way too thin to pull it off. Phooey. But whatever. It would grow back.

But then she styled it for me. She used a flat iron and a world of hairspray and flipped it all out. It was sort of a combination between this

and this

but not quite as cute.

If you aren't sure how you feel about a haircut and style after you get it, pay attention to your reaction. If, when you get home, you run in the house with a coat over your head, screaming "Don't Look At Me!" to your husband, you may not want to see that particular stylist again.

Anyhoo, I went to Walmart later. While at the hair salon someone had stuck a flier under my windshield wiper. It was little so I hardly noticed it until I was on the freeway. I turned on the wipers to try to free it, but no luck. So there it flapped. Taunting me. Teasing me. Annoying me. Stupid paper.

But, boy am I glad it didn't fly away! As soon as I got to Walmart I pulled it out to throw it away, and, of course, read it on the way to the garbage can. Some Eagle Scout was collecting items for the Women's Crisis Center. A worthy cause! And he listed some of the items they needed. Stuff like diapers, garbage bags, tissues, and then (and I quote) "Feminine Products (you know what I am talking about)".

Well I burst out laughing. And I laughed and guffawed and chuckled all the way into the store. Good for that eagle scout! Good for him for doing the service, for obviously writing up these fliers himself, and for making my day. Seriously, I didn't stop smiling about it the whole time i was in Walmart. Good Deed: DONE!!