You know what phrase I love to hear people say?
"It is what it is."

Could anything be more truer?

I mean, you could walk around making statements that people might misunderstand, misinterpret, or misconstrue, like "I love lasagna", or "Toxic fumes are bad." But why?  Why not stick to what you can truly be sure of, to what is safe?

I just wish there were more phrases like that out there.  How many other things can you say that convey such pointless, opinionless declarations of nothingness?  Cuz if there is anything we can be sure of, it's that it is what it is.  It's not what it isn't, that is for sure.   There is no telling if it will be what it was, or if  it weren't what it won't be.  But what it is is what it is.  And don't let the nay sayers come back with an arguement like "Well, that depends on what the meaning of the word IS is."  Cuz that is just lame.

So keep on using it, you people who say stuff!  But just don't go so far as to start saying things like "I am what I am."  Cuz you might not be.  You might be what you eat, and can anyone really say with 100% certainty what that is?
Can someone please explain to me how it is possible, that inside this package,

(which is so cute I actually have to wear shades and sunblock to protect myself from its red-hot rays of adorableness)  lies the ability to scream at a pitch just below that of a dog whistle, at a decible comparable to a sonic boom?

How can he both make me swell with his sweetness and make me want to hurl myself from the top of the tallest tower in town, all at the same time?

Sock it to YOU!

It goes without saying that my husband is Practically Perfect in Every Way.  He's like the male Mary Poppins, with more singing.   oh wait.  Not singing.  Guns.  Guns and knives.  Yeah, Mary Poppins with guns and knives.   I would watch that movie.  Well, as part of this perfection he suffers from, he frequently takes his socks off while sitting at his computer and leaves them there.  Later, I pick them up. It is a little game we play. Except Richard doesn't know that we are playing and also I have to pick up socks all the time, which I loath.

So one day, I decided to conduct an experiment.  What if I DIDN'T pick up his socks?  What would happen?  It was too intriguing an idea to let slip, so I carefully put my secret plan into action, and scheduled time to covertly NOT pick up his socks.  It was a complicated scheme.  One that required putting on the biggest glasses I could find.

It was so complex, in fact, that what with all the hullaballoo I forgot to document day one of my experiment!  Curse me and my forgetful ways!

Here we have The Space Under Richard's Desk: Day 3

I'm assuming it is day three because there are 3 pairs of socks under there.  One for each day.  Are you following me?  The results thus far are exactly what was anticipated.

The Dark Recesses below Richard's Computer: Day 7

Very interesting.  There are a lot more shoes down there than I would have expected.  There are so many shoes that I can't even count all the socks, so we can only postulate that there is a pair for each day.   It looks like there is also a small piece of cheese under there, but don't worry, some mouse will find it.

Things in our little experiment got really very exciting after this, because I forgot all about it.  Nothing passes the time like total memory loss!

Several more days passed without a word from Richard.  I'm sure he had no idea what was transpiring beneath his desk, though he would have had to fish out shoes from there from time to time.  Things can get pretty darn messy around here before he even notices.  It is one of my favorite things about him.

But two weeks into our experiment he finally realized something was up.  From the kitchen I heard him exclaim  "I've got a sock farm growing under my desk!"    My response was "Wait, wait, wait, wait!  Don't touch it, don't touch it I've got to take a picture!"    And I snapped the following.

Richard's Giant Foot Hole: Day 14

So.  Indeed. There we have it.  Left to its own devices the socks and shoes beneath Richard's desk will multiply until they reach critical mass (being in this instance 3 pairs of shoes and 12 socks), after which they will remain in a stasis wherein the number neither decreases or increases until acted upon by an outside force. 

So, my top secret experiment was over.  The End.

Or Was it?

I think Richard had really been about to pick up his socks when he noticed them under his desk, but I interrupted him at the pivotal moment, distracted him and then he forgot.   And so did I.  Then we left for fall break and didn't give the sock farm another thought, except to argue about why Richard didn't have any socks with him and whose fault it was (FYI - NOT MINE).

It wasn't until we got home that I realized that the experiment was far from over and all of my hypothesis had been so very, very wrong.  Beware.  What you are about to see may shock you.

The Deepest Abyss of Deskdom: Day 20

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAACK!   The Socks are Sentient!

I was always afraid something like this would happen.  I always suspected my laundry was out to get me. But I never came up with a plan for what to do if the socks gain consciousness.   WHAT NOW?  

I have a New Year's Surprise for you!

You know that old saying "Be careful what you post online, because you never know when an internet, web-based, online e-zine will take your words and use them to turn you into an instant star"?

Well it's true!   Except the star part.  No one has even asked for my autograph yet.

cuz I was featured in The Barrel  

Pause for effect

So exciting, right?

What?  You say you've never heard of it?  That's ok.  You've probably never heard of Being Awesome, or Keeping Up With the Times either.  Don't beat yourself up about it.

It really is exciting!  And the magazine is really very cute and you should probably check it out anyway.  And they didn't even tell me to say that.  They didn't ask me to advertise them in anyway whatsoever, so all of this plugging is purely selfish on my part.    Let's hear it for stuff like this!!