The Death of a Spider
February 19, 2013Any of you who "Would Not Hurt A Fly" should probably just turn around and leave right now. The contents of this post are extremely violent and may offend those of a gentle nature. Because I had to turn the water back off which meant climbing back down into the hole under the house with the spiders and this time I was armed. This time I brought a Blow Torch.
This is what I looked like:
Daddy Long Legs are naturally camouflaged to blend in with their webby surroundings which makes it impossible to distinguish spider from web. So I burnt it all with extreme prejudice. I could tell when I got a spider though. Did you know that spiders spark when you light them on fire? It is kind of awesome. And then I found some big spiders. A bunch of them, over in the corner. And they didn't just spark when I hit them, they made an audible popping sound. Which was satisfying in a kind of evil way. And scary way. The noisier my massacre got, the more scared I was of retribution. I kept imagining Shelob climbing out from under the house to get me. Maybe it was guilt. All I know is the more I killed the more anxious I was to run away. So I did. I had barely begun my Arachnid Armageddon, but I felt the wrath of the Spider Lords building against me and I climbed back out of that hole as fast as I could. I still sort of expect them to come for me in the night to get their revenge. I mostly deserve it, don't I?
Anyhoo, here is how my bathroom looks now:
So how long has it been since our inspection? 3 weeks? And I thought the room would be done by now. Heck, I thought the room would be done 5 years ago. Why is it the last few weeks are the hardest?
Oh, wait, I know why it is the hardest. Because there is a TOILET IN MY BEDROOM. You think my room was bad before, you should see it now. It is stuffed with power tools and huge tracks of insulation. I have got to get this bathroom done or I might have to set all my stuff on fire!
I actually might do that anyway.
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