A Mormony Sort of Day

General conference next week. Hooray! That means that today was Fast Sunday. That's fine and dandy, but today was also the last day of the month. Having Fast Sunday fall on the Last Sunday is a rare event, like a lunar eclipse, and can lead to some interesting scenarious.

I try to be a good visiting teacher, but somehow the month slips by and suddenly there is the Last Sunday of the month, jumping out from behind the Last Saturday to surprise me. I know I'm not the only one. You all know who you are. All too often the Last Sunday of the month is the death-bed repentance of home and visiting teaching, but if we work together we can all get done what we need to do.

At 1:30 my visiting teaching companion and I went out to drop off cookies for the 2 sisters we hadn't seen yet. One wasn't home, but the other was and she invited us in. We enjoy seeing her, and we talked for a while, until I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 2:00. We excused ourselves so I could get home in time for the appointment with our Home Teacher at 2:00 (Richard had begged me not to be late), and when I got home I found not my Home Teacher, but my visiting teachers. They had planned to come at 2:30, but one of their appointments had fallen through, so they had come early. A few minutes after 2:00 our home teacher showed up. So we all visited together. It was really pretty nice. I'm always interested in just getting all the necessary people together so that we can all finish our home and visiting teaching all in one fell swoop.

As our Home teacher said, when you do your visits on the Last Sunday of the month, you have to bring treats, and they all did. Course we couldn't eat them because we were fasting, but they looked really tastey. By 2:30 everyone was gone. So Richard and I got started making cookies to take to Richard's home teachees. We considered re-gifting the treats we had just recieved, but couldn't quite bring ourselves to do it.

We made some cakemix oreos. They smelled really good and looked really good, but we couldn't be sure, cuz we were still fasting. We had never made them before, and it was a little scary dropping off treats we had never even tasted, but we did it anyway. Whew! It is exciting to live on the edge!

Harrison woke up from his nap and we went out on the delivery. House 1 - not home. Cookies left with an unidentified relative. House 2 - also happens to be the house of MY visiting teacher. She brought me chocolate eggs, we brought her oreos. (Which makes me wonder how that little exchange of treats relates to the law of consecration?) House 3 - Richard came walking back down the steps after dropping off the cookies, and he was laughing. When he climbed in the car and I asked him what was so funny he said "Oh, I interrupted her in the middle of the lesson with her visiting teachers." I know I have some changing to do, but it sure is nice to know that everyone else needs to change just as much as me!

Font-tastic!

My Dad likes to say "You can never have too many fonts!" Or, more often, "You can never have too many couches!" which is of course absolutely untrue. It makes me think of that Shel Silverstein poem about the Man and Woman who couldn't have children so they didn't have anyone to take out the trash, and it just piled up around them until garbage was spilling out the windows and chimney. But I think I was talking about couches. No, I was talking about fonts, but leading into it with couches. Ah yes, now I remember! My point is, you CAN have too many. Sorry Dad. My parents had a room downstairs that was so full of couches we had to shove one of them into a closet just so we could have a little floor space. The same thing can happen with fonts. You find a cute one here, a perfectly themed one there, and why wouldn't I download it, it's free! And before you know it, you have fonts spilling out of your proverbial closets (where they got stuffed with the skeletons).
This happened to me. It can happen to anyone. If you don't know what the warning signs are, it could be happening to your banker or your neighbor or your sister and you would never know it. I had to go on a font diet. This was quite emotional for me. I love my fonts so. But I read somewhere that ideally you shouldn't have more than 300 fonts installed on your computer at once, as all the fonts are loaded for each application you have open. I had almost 1700 fonts. And it was really slowing down my computer. At least I think it was.
So I uninstalled 1000 fonts. And now all my internet fonts are different and it is tripping me out!
* * * * * * * * * * *
Ok. Enough time has passed. I reset the factory installed fonts so everything is back to normal. At the same time I have slimmed down to a mere 126 fonts, thank you very much, and I am feeling pretty good about me. But let me tell you what has made this all possible for me. I downloaded a Font Manager program called "The Font Thing" and it allows me to see my fonts in ways I never thought possible. You can arrange them in categories, and also view the fonts that are NOT installed on your system, so that even if they aren't installed, they are not lost to you. Best of all, you can type in your page title or whatever it is you are fonting about, and it will display your title in each of the fonts. If you don't know what I am talking about, then you obviously aren't a font geek like me, but if you do know what I mean, then you also know how awesome that is. There are lots of Font Manager programs out there. Just do a search for "Font Manager" or "Font Organizer" and you are sure to find something you like. And now, I think I have talked about fonts way longer than was necessary. So I will leave you to your thoughts.

Happy Easter!


The true meaning of Easter is a tricky thing to teach to a 15 month old, so I didn't really try very hard. I was pretty sure the main thought in his head Easter morning was going to be, "Yea! A basket full of stuff for me to throw on the floor!" So I just focused on restricting his sugar intake. I stuffed Richard's basket with a ridiculous amount of candy, but for Harrison, I simply filled his basket up with grass and toys, and then gave him animal crackers, fruit snacks and just a few jelly beans. It was a good plan. He is still very little and I'm sure he wouldn't have noticed. But my plan was thwarted.

Those "few" jelly beans I gave him seemed to miraculously multiply in his basket because he was eating one every time I saw him. And of course he didn't actually EAT them at all, instead he liked to suck off the candy coating, and then drop the slimy jelly innards onto the carpet. Also, he kept making the "I'm stuck" noise and I would go in to find him trying in vain to get the Easter grass off his sticky fingers. I would pull it off, and wipe off his hands and face, but before I knew it he was making the noise again, and I would find him with a sticky face, sticky fingers, and Easter grass stuck all over the place.

I started to think that, unawares, I must have dropped a handful of jelly beans on the floor somewhere and with his Baby-Radar he had found them, so I spent a while crawling around with my face pressed to the floor, looking under all the furniture. I didn't see anything, but I wasn't convinced, so I kept dropping to the floor real suddenly, thinking that if I was fast enough, I could catch them before they had the chance to run away. Fast though I was, I didn't find any jelly bean hang out spots underneath my bookshelf, but my highly advanced surprise tactics did enable me to uncover the answers. His father was giving them to him.

Well, we have a good marriage because I don't nag too much about stuff like that, and he always acts very innocent when confronted. And, since it was Easter, I decided to let it go.

Before long it was time to get dressed. I gathered up my little monkey so that I could put some clothes on him, and found him to be quite the ball of energy. No little boy wants to sit still while his clothes are changed, and Harrison is no exception, but we usually do all right. Now, however, it was all I could do to get him to stay in my lap. It was like a tiny explosion of little arms and legs. And he didn't cry. Oh no. He was having a great time. Giggling his little head off while he squirmed like a piranha in my arms. Luckily I remembered that he'd had quite a bit of sugar, otherwise I might have been a little worried. It was like trying to put a T-shirt on a Tornado. I managed it finally, in a state of shock at the awesome power of the sugar high, and he sped off like a demon.

After that I had to lay down for a minute to catch my breath. Wow. Sugar is a serious stimulant. No wonder I'm such an addict. Sorry Mom! I can only imagine what you suffered at the hands of my sweet tooth.

White Pants

I have this pair of white pants that I really love, but almost never wear. It just never seems like a good idea. I always feel like I am tempting fate. Last time I wore them I sat in chocolate. Like a big blob of chocolate pudding. Now I won't deny it; I'm a klutz, and pretty accident prone and all that. But sitting in chocolate? Who does that? I've never done that before that I remember. The universe was saving it up for when I wore my white pants.

But Richard says you have to take risks to look good. ( Yes, he is a fountain of wisdom and knowledge.) And I guess I was feeling pretty brave and reckless tonight, so I decided to wear the white pants. And I was pretty pleased with myself because I didn't spill anything on my lap at dinner, and even when Harrison grabbed me with his sticky fingers it didn't leave a mark. I was really starting to think I was the cat's pajamas, sticking it to the Universe like that, and then when we got home tonight I realized that I must have brushed up against our dirty car because I had a big black smear on my leg. GRRRR!

I used to really wonder about the "rule" that says you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day. I was always wondering when you are allowed to start wearing white again, but Richard says you can start wearing it again after Memorial Day. I don't know why he knows stuff like that. Even so, I still thought it was dumb. Why should it matter what color you wear or when you wear it?

Well, now I know. It is not just a thing people say. It is not just a fashion faux pas. It is a warning. I believe that there is an ancient curse that was placed on human kind by some angry aboriginal designer. A curse on those who wear white before or after summer vacation. The ancients knew of the curse and passed on their knowledge, but somehow over time the gravity of the warning was lost, and all that is left is this clever little fashion suggestion "Don't wear white after Labor Day". It is not something to be taken lightly. You can ignore this warning if you want to, but you will face the consequences. And they will be messy.
The following quote is used by permission from Lance's profile (no.... it's not. I stole it. Sorry Lance.) Blogger asked him this question, and what follows is his answer:

"You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape."
If I was trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky, I would dig down to China so that I could buy some fireworks, then I would strap the fireworks to the goat and fly out of the hole on rocket power! I wouldn't do anything with the slinky because it's a stupid slinky. useless.."
So, I just read that, and it made me laugh and laugh. Rocket Powered Goat! Wee Hee! Richard wanted to know what I was laughing about, so I read it to him. His response was,

"Hmph. If I was in a well with a goat and a slinky, why would I want to get out? I'd be all set!"

Science!


The Pudding Project:
Working to defy Gravity one sweet treat at a time.

What I have learned from T.V.

The invaluable lessons I have learned from watching television. And mom always said it would rot my brain! Bah!
1) I DESERVE a lot of things. Not for any reason. I just do. I deserve a great job and a big salary and an expensive car and a nice house, and thus it is my right to get really mad when the world doesn’t hand those things to me, preferably on a platter.
2) Cloning is a BAD idea! Before long there will be no original DNA left and it will start to break down and we'll be forced to harvest alien DNA to sustain our race!
3) In most situations, men are very stupid and incompetent. They are incapable of doing menial tasks, such as folding up strollers, loading the dishwasher, waving a little fan without getting hurt, etc.
4) When hunting the Mongolian Death Worm, and waiting in the dark with your flashlight for it to crawl from it's underground home, no matter how impatient or curious you get, DON'T STICK YOUR HAND IN THE HOLE!
5) Plastic is the only way to pay. If you use cash or check then you are selfish, dimwitted and uncoordinated, and you are really going to screw everybody else up.
6) Everyone always believes that finding life on other planets will make them feel less alone in the world. I always thought this was a silly idea. Why on Earth should learning that there is life on other planets make anyone feel less alone? There are billions of people on this planet. If you feel so lonely with all of them around, I don't see why billions of people on a planet light-years away is going to help. However, Star Trek says that I am wrong.
7) For the most part, guards and low level security detail are very easy to knock out. Everyone knows this. Simply throw them into a wall or into another security guard, hit them in the head with your purse (or whatever you have on hand), or lure them under a waiting sand bag. Thud!
8) Time really does slow down when you are running across the beach to meet someone. If you milk it enough, you could gain some valuable time, which you might use to remember all the good times you had that summer, plan what you are going to make for dinner that night, learn another language - stuff like that.

9) To add an air of sophistication and refinement to any food, you can add the description "New York Style". Use it with pizza, sandwiches, chips, seasonings, burritos, etc. This holds true for any food except for salsa; use it with salsa and you will be mocked and ridiculed by Cowfolk everywhere.

10) When stealing something out from under someone’s nose, or more especially when their back is turned, it’s important to say "Yoink!"

11) Without some sophisticated tools, it is impossible to cut in a strait line or open a can of soup. If you try, you will make a mess of it, and probably cut yourself very badly.

12) Lastly and, I think, most importantly, what I have learned from T.V. is that this commercial makes me laugh every single time I see it.