Jun 10, 2008
Let Me Be Brief
I read somewhere that short men are more discriminated against than African American men. Statistically that seems to be the case. Statistics also show that women are turned off more by a man being short than by a man being overweight. Indeed, t'was Randy Newman who said "Short People Got No Reason to live". I'm sorry if these words are hard to hear, but statistics don't lie.
What about women though? Hollywood tends to perpetuate the myth that tall women are irresistible, but most guys don't actually want a girl who is taller than them, so where does that leave the tall girls? I always used to wish I was shorter, and I have just found proof that short girls really are as adorable as I suspected.
Short Girl
By Creed Bratton
What about women though? Hollywood tends to perpetuate the myth that tall women are irresistible, but most guys don't actually want a girl who is taller than them, so where does that leave the tall girls? I always used to wish I was shorter, and I have just found proof that short girls really are as adorable as I suspected.
Short Girl
By Creed Bratton
Ooh, mama, with your tiny little legs
You’re like a dachsund
In human form
And that makes you okay
In my book
I want to throw you up into the air
Like a ball of shortness
And catch you when you fall down
And put you into my jacket pocket
That I have lined with pillows and string cheese
Yeah, mama, you’re small and nice
In those little lady clothes
That you wear so well
You could be a minus-sized fashion model
And that’s the truth
Short girl
You make my day
Spoon Man
I'm sure you will be surprised to learn that Richard and I are different in many ways. For instance, he likes big spoons, I like small. When I am using a spoon, I prefer one of those small dessert spoons. Because I am normal. But if I give Richard a dessert spoon he looks at me as if to say "What am I supposed to do with this?" After probably 4 years of marriage I finally figured out that he really does want a big spoon, so if I serve us up some pudding, I grab a little spoon for me and a big spoon for him. I have taken to bringing him the biggest spoon I can find - you know how silverware sets have so many different sizes of spoon - and so I will rifle through the big spoon pile to locate the biggest one I can. I am always hoping to get some sort of a rise out of him, but he never says a word. Last night we had pudding again and as I looked for a big spoon for him I decided I simply wasn't bringing him spoons that were big enough. I opened the miscellaneous utensil drawer and found him a huge serving spoon about the length of my forearm with a capacity of at least 8 oz., tucked it into the little bowl with his pudding and delivered it to him. I tried to act totally casual, though inside I was laughing at my clever joke. As he picked up his spoon, however, all he said was "Awesome", and dug in.
Jun 3, 2008
The Harrison Files: vol. 2
Harrison loves feet. Like, a lot. Maybe this is totally normal. I don't know. But his love for feet seems to border on obsession. I want to be supportive, so I let him feel his feelings and now he is teaching me. He thinks feet are cool, and I'm like "eh, I could take 'em or leave 'em", so he is showing me all the things that feet are good for. I mostly just use mine for walkin' but apparently I have been missing out on a whole world of feet fun.
Here are some of the things that you can do with feet:
- You can hug or cuddle with feet.
- You can grab them by the toes and shake them back and forth like pom poms.
- If you hold them up to your ear you can hear the ocean.
- You can set things on top of them. This is a new one. If we are sitting still, he will put things on top of our feet, like crackers, the remote, paper clips, whatever.
- Wrestling. Yes, feet are good for wrestling with. He likes to lay on our feet and roll around and say "Aaaagh! Eeeaaack!"
The other night he was sitting on our bed and started whining. I looked over to find him trying desperately to bite his own toes. Instead of pulling his feet up to his mouth, he was trying to bend over to get them. But his legs are way to short, and he is still too top heavy and each time he started to bend over for his toes he would just fall forward onto his face. It was very frustrating for him. And very funny for me. I know I probably shouldn't laugh, but babies are just too funny sometimes.
Jun 1, 2008
The Harrison Files: vol. 1
As you all know (or may not know, now that I think about it) Harrison is adopted. I don't think I could love him any more than I do, even if he was my genetic offspring, but sometimes I can't help but wonder how he feels about me. Not that he remembers his Birth Mom - he spent 2 days in the hospital with her after he was born, but has been with us ever since. It's just that he is not a very affectionate child. He never has been. He doesn't cuddle, he doesn't give hugs, he's not clingy at all - he's usually just as happy if a complete stranger is holding as he is with me. His affection is more violent than anything else. When he and I are playing and laughing sometimes he will bonk me on the head, or pull my hair and laugh and laugh. So I can't help but wonder. Does he even know that I am his mom? Do I make any difference in his life? Probably all moms ask this question at some point. It's not like I obsess over it, I just wonder sometimes.
Lately, however, Harrison wants to be held while he is drinking milk. I give him his sippy cup and instead of being happy just sitting next to me on the couch, he wants to sit in my lap. This is totally new and different. As soon as he learned to hold a bottle on his own he was practically ready to move out of the house, and now that he is walking he is usually committing hijinks while drinking to maximize his Total Daily Shenanigans. Needless to say this desire to be held surprised me. The other day I was sitting on the toilet - thinking about life - and in he toddled, sippy cup in hand, and gave me the universal sign for "Hold Me". It is really is too cute to resist, so I pulled him up and we thought about life together. It is things like these that warm my cold, lifeless little heart.
Lately, however, Harrison wants to be held while he is drinking milk. I give him his sippy cup and instead of being happy just sitting next to me on the couch, he wants to sit in my lap. This is totally new and different. As soon as he learned to hold a bottle on his own he was practically ready to move out of the house, and now that he is walking he is usually committing hijinks while drinking to maximize his Total Daily Shenanigans. Needless to say this desire to be held surprised me. The other day I was sitting on the toilet - thinking about life - and in he toddled, sippy cup in hand, and gave me the universal sign for "Hold Me". It is really is too cute to resist, so I pulled him up and we thought about life together. It is things like these that warm my cold, lifeless little heart.
May 30, 2008
No, Not THAT One
 | The Impossible Quiz Challenge your mind as you try to answer all the questions in this quirky quiz. |
May 27, 2008
The Writer in You.
So, turns out I like to write. Funny. Ok, it's not really that funny. I'm an avid journal writer. I always liked creative writing in school - but not research papers. yuck. And I tried writing a few songs and stories of my own when I was about 13. Everyone did this, right? I understand that it is part of puberty.
My stories were awesome. Except I never got very far. Mostly I guess I just came up with some story lines, but didn't have the slightest idea how to develop a story. They were all very similar. The heroines were always beautiful girls who didn't know beautiful they were. And there was always some event that threw the heroine and the would be hero into some situation together. I guess that is the basic setup for just about any romance novel.
3 stories stick out in my mind. One about a girl and boy from the same small town who hate each other (a necessary first step in any romance) but then there is a devastating earth quake and the earth splits and divides - you know, like it does in The Land Before Time - and the girl and boy are trapped alone on some kind of earthquake-created island with no way to escape. I suppose I've seen movies with less plot line, but it would have undoubtedly been very predictable.
Another was about a girl who is sent with her family on a ship full of people to populate the moon, or another planet or something. While en route she meets a boy she hates, yadda yadda, etc., etc., that is about as far as I got.
The one I worked the most on was about a Princess - Red Hair, Green eyes. She is arrogant and rude and is saved from something tragic in the woods by a farm boy. Despite her initial disdain, they start to fall in love - but wait! A twist! There is a race of people that can control the emotions of others, of which a guard at the palace is a member. And he convinces the princess that she loves him! Who saw that coming?!? How will the poor farm boy ever win the princess back? (Now that I think about it, it sounds just like Love Potion #9.) I'm pretty sure there was also a royal wizard involved, and other fantasy-esque type characters, but, again, I didn't get much farther in the story. I was typing it up on our Amiga, but those records are long gone.
Still, good times. Marion was always the real writer though. Sometimes we would read our stories to each other. Her stories were always funny, but I just wrote about romance. Do you remember any of your stories Marion? Anyone else? I know we weren't the only ones who did this. Come on, spill the beans!
My stories were awesome. Except I never got very far. Mostly I guess I just came up with some story lines, but didn't have the slightest idea how to develop a story. They were all very similar. The heroines were always beautiful girls who didn't know beautiful they were. And there was always some event that threw the heroine and the would be hero into some situation together. I guess that is the basic setup for just about any romance novel.
3 stories stick out in my mind. One about a girl and boy from the same small town who hate each other (a necessary first step in any romance) but then there is a devastating earth quake and the earth splits and divides - you know, like it does in The Land Before Time - and the girl and boy are trapped alone on some kind of earthquake-created island with no way to escape. I suppose I've seen movies with less plot line, but it would have undoubtedly been very predictable.
Another was about a girl who is sent with her family on a ship full of people to populate the moon, or another planet or something. While en route she meets a boy she hates, yadda yadda, etc., etc., that is about as far as I got.
The one I worked the most on was about a Princess - Red Hair, Green eyes. She is arrogant and rude and is saved from something tragic in the woods by a farm boy. Despite her initial disdain, they start to fall in love - but wait! A twist! There is a race of people that can control the emotions of others, of which a guard at the palace is a member. And he convinces the princess that she loves him! Who saw that coming?!? How will the poor farm boy ever win the princess back? (Now that I think about it, it sounds just like Love Potion #9.) I'm pretty sure there was also a royal wizard involved, and other fantasy-esque type characters, but, again, I didn't get much farther in the story. I was typing it up on our Amiga, but those records are long gone.
Still, good times. Marion was always the real writer though. Sometimes we would read our stories to each other. Her stories were always funny, but I just wrote about romance. Do you remember any of your stories Marion? Anyone else? I know we weren't the only ones who did this. Come on, spill the beans!
Quiz #82 - 30 Questions of the Highest Importance.
Nacolynn, this is for you - and for all the rest of you who say you don't have anything to write about. Here is a quiz. I got it at 101Quizzes.com. (No, I didn't. And incidentally, don't do their quizzes. I spent about 10 minutes sifting through surveys and offers for free stuff just to find out that I am 67% smart. What does that even mean?)
So, my answers, I know you just cannot wait to hear them, are in the next post. The rule is that you need to answer the questions - either in your blog or in the comments - before you read my answers. I know it's dumb. But those are the rules. Don't get mad at me! I didn't make them up! Oh, wait, yes I did. I made up the rules.
- How do you feel about Country Music?
- How many curlers do you wear in your hair at night?
- What is the last book you read or are reading?
- What 3 movies would you take to a Desert Island (this is of course assuming that you could watch them there)?
- What 3 TV shows on disc would you take to a Desert Island?
- Does this quiz stink?
- Name your 3 Favorite Fruits.
- What is in the Back Seat of your car right now?
- When was the last time you threw up?
- What is your favorite curse (not cuss) word?
- Name one thing you are really good at.
- Name one thing you are really bad at.
- What 3 books would you take to a desert island?
- Name your 3 favorite drinks.
- When you were a kid, how did you get your candy fix?
- Name your 3 Favorite Vegetables.
- Which Bear is Best?
- What is your favorite Ice Cream Flavor?
- What was the last thing you ate?
- What is the last sporting event you watched?
- What are you doing tomorrow?
- Are you free on Saturday night?
- How much liquid can your belly button hold?
- What is your first thought when you hear "Australia"?
- How many states have you been to?
- What is the biggest annoyance in your life right now (besides this quiz)?
- How did you get one of your scars?
- What did you learn from Encyclopedia Brown?
- Do you really want to answer 2 more questions?
- Didn't think so!
So, my answers, I know you just cannot wait to hear them, are in the next post. The rule is that you need to answer the questions - either in your blog or in the comments - before you read my answers. I know it's dumb. But those are the rules. Don't get mad at me! I didn't make them up! Oh, wait, yes I did. I made up the rules.
May 26, 2008
Answers to Quiz # 82.
Here are the Answers to the Questions that you have been looking for:
- How do you feel about Country Music? I have no desire to offend those country music lovers. Some of it is good. But for the most part, I just find it cheesy.
- How many curlers do you wear in your hair at night? TWO.
- What is the last book you read or are reading? “The Golem’s Eye” - Jonathan Stroud. It is very fun. Especially after reading Harry Potter, it is such a different spin on Magic.
- What 3 movies would you take to a Desert Island (this is of course assuming that you could watch them there)?
- Connie and Carla – It might be dumb, but I could watch that movie over and over.
- Serenity
- Lord of the Rings (That was hard. I’m still not sure I made the right choice.)
- What 3 TV shows would you take to a Desert Island?
- The Office – I might get sick of watching it eventually, but I haven’t yet.
- Firefly
- Mystery Science Theater 3000
- Does this quiz stink? Little bit, yeah.
- Name your 3 Favorite Fruits. Peaches, Strawberries, Fuji Apples.
- What is in the Back Seat of your car right now? Car Seat, Gold Fish Crackers, a shoe, a window shade. That is just off the top of my head. I really don’t want to get up to look.
- When was the last time you threw up? Back in ‘aught 5. Got a doozy of a stomach flu and Bam!
- What is your favorite curse (not cuss) word? Blast!
- Name one thing you are really good at. This quiz. It is my best skill so far.
- Name one thing you are really bad at. Chit Chat. Mostly chat. I can chit, but chat eludes me.
- What 3 books would you take to a desert island? I’m going to assume that I can use whole series here, and who is going to stop me?
- Harry Potter
- Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
- The Anubis Gates – man, the third choice is always so hard for me!
- Name your 3 favorite drinks. Cream Soda, Strawberry Lemonade, Chocolate Milk.
- When you were a kid, how did you get your candy fix? 7-11. We’d take our bikes and push them up the great big hill that led into town – it was WAY too long and steep to try to ride up – then ride the block to 7-11. Then we’d spend what felt like forever pouring over the penny candy shelf, trying desperately to decide how best to spend our 25 cents. Then, with our pockets full of candy and dreams, we’d ride the block back to the hill and then walk our bikes back down, cuz the hill was WAY too long and steep to dare ride down. Good times.
- Name your 3 Favorite Vegetables. Peas, Winter Squash, Corn on the Cob
- Which Bear is best? Black Bears. Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
- What is your favorite Ice Cream Flavor? Heavenly Hash – Macey’s Brand.
- What was the last thing you ate? 3 Ritz Crackers. Now I will go eat some pepperoni and some slices of cheese to make it a meal!
- What is the last sporting event you watched? 3 years ago – Girl’s Junior Varsity basketball at the Junior High School.
- What are you doing tomorrow? Let’s see, tomorrow is Wednesday, so…. Same thing as today – working on my Treatise on Geophysics.
- Are you free on Saturday night? Nope - I have a coup to stage.
- How much liquid can your belly button hold? ¼ tsp. last time I measured.
- What is your first thought when you hear "Australia"? Sheep.
- How many states have you been to? 24 maybe. Or are we talking about mental states? That would be only about 7 or 8.
- What is the biggest annoyance in your life right now (besides this quiz)? The birds sitting right outside my window, holding a caucus. And things do not seem to be going smoothly.
- How did you get one of your scars? Hmm, how to choose just one? I have so many, each with a fascinating story behind it. When I was a kid my legs were so scarred up, my mom told me I needed a new pair. But surely the most interesting is the one I got in my foot from the knife fight I was in. Ah, the heady days of youth.
- What did you learn from Encyclopedia Brown? How to spell Bookkeeper, for one.
- Do you really want to answer 2 more questions? Do I?? You bet I do!!
- Didn't think so! Yes you did!
May 20, 2008
Test
These are words. I use words when I write sentences. Words and sentences add up to make paragraphs. Yippee Kai Yea.
Sometimes I write more than one paragraph. That is when things really start to get exciting. But you have to know a lot of words to fill a paragraph up. And more than that, you have to have a lot of thoughts. That can be the tricky part. Getting thoughts when you do not have them can be difficult to do.
Maybe you will want to look around the room to see if anything gives you ideas. You could take a walk, go for a drive, or sit down and watch TV. The best way of all to get ideas to have experiences. But be careful. Stuff Happens.
Sometimes I write more than one paragraph. That is when things really start to get exciting. But you have to know a lot of words to fill a paragraph up. And more than that, you have to have a lot of thoughts. That can be the tricky part. Getting thoughts when you do not have them can be difficult to do.
Maybe you will want to look around the room to see if anything gives you ideas. You could take a walk, go for a drive, or sit down and watch TV. The best way of all to get ideas to have experiences. But be careful. Stuff Happens.
May 19, 2008
I have a Bee in my Bonnet
Yessirree, I surely do. It’s the car commercials endorsed by all those financial advisers. (“Hey, its the guy who wrote that money book. He says I should buy this car, so I better!") I found it so hard to swallow that I figured they must be fake people, with made up books. But I checked, and they are real. They are always saying things like “Take the money you save and invest in an IRA”, or “Take the cash back and pay down some of your credit cards”. I always feel very indignant after I watch one of these commercials. I just can’t see any circumstances (no matter what the commercials say) where buying a brand new car is sound financial advice. So then that makes me think that maybe the Money Gurus were bought off. And now I have just lost all respect for them.
I'm not saying it is bad to buy a brand new car. If you can afford it, then why not? But recommending people buy a new car in the guise of a smart financial decision just seems wrong. And usually it isn't just a recommendation. If the car buyer seems hesitant, the Money Man makes fun of him. Implying that you are really dumb - and know NOTHING about money - if you don't buy a car right now.
The other thing about the commercials that is just impossible to believe is the fact that all the prospective car buyers always recognize these money authors as soon as they see them. ("Would you look at that? It's Bob Fancypants, who wrote Money is Spiffy!”) Come on. That is just ridiculous.
On a side note: if I actually did have a bee in my bonnet (I have been known to don a bonnet from time to time. Nothing weird about that.) I sure as shootin’ wouldn’t sit down and write about it. I would be running around, screaming and whacking myself in the head. Bonnets can be dangerous.
I'm not saying it is bad to buy a brand new car. If you can afford it, then why not? But recommending people buy a new car in the guise of a smart financial decision just seems wrong. And usually it isn't just a recommendation. If the car buyer seems hesitant, the Money Man makes fun of him. Implying that you are really dumb - and know NOTHING about money - if you don't buy a car right now.
The other thing about the commercials that is just impossible to believe is the fact that all the prospective car buyers always recognize these money authors as soon as they see them. ("Would you look at that? It's Bob Fancypants, who wrote Money is Spiffy!”) Come on. That is just ridiculous.
On a side note: if I actually did have a bee in my bonnet (I have been known to don a bonnet from time to time. Nothing weird about that.) I sure as shootin’ wouldn’t sit down and write about it. I would be running around, screaming and whacking myself in the head. Bonnets can be dangerous.
May 4, 2008
How Broccoli can Ruin a Friendship
I have never been a very picky eater. (I don't think. I remember one episode with baked potatoes, but that is neither here nor there.) I will usually eat just about anything plunked down in front of me. Easy to please, that's me! Be that as it may, I have just recently decided that I don't really like broccoli. We are always buying it - it's one of Richard's favorites - and I always had such a hard time getting myself to cook it. I thought I was just lazy (and I very well may be. Again, neither here nor there.) but turns out that it wasn't so much that I didn't want to cook it, it was that I didn't want to eat it. Hey. I am 30 years old now. I don't have to like vegetables if I don't want to. Not liking vegetables is what makes America great! Still, I didn't say anything to Richard about my new self discovery. I couldn't say why for sure, but I kept it to myself.
We went to Red Lobster a couple nights ago and I ordered some fresh Alaskan Salmon. With a sweet and spicy glaze. Mmmm. The waiter said to me, "What about your side dishes? It comes with broccoli, but do you like broccoli?" to which I answered "Not really." and Richard audibly gasped. I finished ordering without making eye contact with him. He really likes broccoli. I knew it would be hard for him to hear. I guess that is why I hid it from him for so long. When the waiter finally left I knew t'was time to face the music. I was tired of living a lie. I looked up into his hurt and betrayed face,
"I'm sorry. I only just realized how I felt. I didn't say anything because I know how much you like it. I didn't want to hurt your feelings." It was pretty tense. He shook his head but wouldn't say anything. The silence started to build up around us. It was oppressive. It was also freezing in there and despite the uncomfortable silence I felt lighter after unloading my secret. So as we nibbled on our Red Lobster biscuits I geared up for another confession.
"Richard..." I said meekly. "While I am being so truthful I may as well tell you something else....." His eyes met mine. I took a deep breath. "These biscuits are a little too salty for me." His jaw dropped. The floodgates opened.
"What?!! You always loved these biscuits! You used to talk about them all the time! And when has anything been too salty for you!?"
"I know!" I said, "My tastes changed. I'm sorry. I hope we can still be friends"
His reply broke my heart: "You lost me at broccoli."
Things between us might never be the same again.
We went to Red Lobster a couple nights ago and I ordered some fresh Alaskan Salmon. With a sweet and spicy glaze. Mmmm. The waiter said to me, "What about your side dishes? It comes with broccoli, but do you like broccoli?" to which I answered "Not really." and Richard audibly gasped. I finished ordering without making eye contact with him. He really likes broccoli. I knew it would be hard for him to hear. I guess that is why I hid it from him for so long. When the waiter finally left I knew t'was time to face the music. I was tired of living a lie. I looked up into his hurt and betrayed face,
"I'm sorry. I only just realized how I felt. I didn't say anything because I know how much you like it. I didn't want to hurt your feelings." It was pretty tense. He shook his head but wouldn't say anything. The silence started to build up around us. It was oppressive. It was also freezing in there and despite the uncomfortable silence I felt lighter after unloading my secret. So as we nibbled on our Red Lobster biscuits I geared up for another confession.
"Richard..." I said meekly. "While I am being so truthful I may as well tell you something else....." His eyes met mine. I took a deep breath. "These biscuits are a little too salty for me." His jaw dropped. The floodgates opened.
"What?!! You always loved these biscuits! You used to talk about them all the time! And when has anything been too salty for you!?"
"I know!" I said, "My tastes changed. I'm sorry. I hope we can still be friends"
His reply broke my heart: "You lost me at broccoli."
Things between us might never be the same again.
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