The Harrison Files: vol. 1

Jun 1, 2008

As you all know (or may not know, now that I think about it) Harrison is adopted. I don't think I could love him any more than I do, even if he was my genetic offspring, but sometimes I can't help but wonder how he feels about me. Not that he remembers his Birth Mom - he spent 2 days in the hospital with her after he was born, but has been with us ever since. It's just that he is not a very affectionate child. He never has been. He doesn't cuddle, he doesn't give hugs, he's not clingy at all - he's usually just as happy if a complete stranger is holding as he is with me. His affection is more violent than anything else. When he and I are playing and laughing sometimes he will bonk me on the head, or pull my hair and laugh and laugh. So I can't help but wonder. Does he even know that I am his mom? Do I make any difference in his life? Probably all moms ask this question at some point. It's not like I obsess over it, I just wonder sometimes.

Lately, however, Harrison wants to be held while he is drinking milk. I give him his sippy cup and instead of being happy just sitting next to me on the couch, he wants to sit in my lap. This is totally new and different. As soon as he learned to hold a bottle on his own he was practically ready to move out of the house, and now that he is walking he is usually committing hijinks while drinking to maximize his Total Daily Shenanigans. Needless to say this desire to be held surprised me. The other day I was sitting on the toilet - thinking about life - and in he toddled, sippy cup in hand, and gave me the universal sign for "Hold Me". It is really is too cute to resist, so I pulled him up and we thought about life together. It is things like these that warm my cold, lifeless little heart.