House Rules

February 28, 2012

I gotta feel sorry for kids.  Especially mine.  I am a strict drill sargeant of a mother.  I let nothing slide.  All they ever get are don'ts.

Don't spit at your little brother.
Don't lick the T.V.
Don't lock me in the bathroom.
Don't throw my books in the garbage.
Don't step on the chicken.
Don't stick your fingers in the fan.
Don't climb in the fridge.
Don't put crayons on the heat vent.
Don't rub that corn dog on your ear.
Don't poke me in the eye with your popsicle.
Don't hide yogurt in your pajama drawer.
Don't throw the remote in the toilet.
Don't sit on my face.
Don't choke to death.
Don't unplug my compu

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  1. Wow, you are so hardcore! :)

    I don't have kids of my own, but they do call me the Rigid Boundarymonger at work. I hold those kids accountable.

  2. "You get to say sentences when you're a parent that people without kids would never get to say.

    'Buddy, don't try to balance your fruit juice between your chest and the table.'

    "That's an actual sentence that I had to put together and aim at another member of our species."

    Your kids sound so awesome.
    And I'm totally sending you an email.

  3. I'm going to borrow some of your rules. If other kids have to keep remotes out of the toilet by golly my children should too!

  4. HAHAHAHA! I love it.
    I mean, oops, um, what naughty kids... ;)

  5. Well, I'm just proud of you for getting your act so together after only 2 children. It took me 7 children to come up with that kind of list!

  6. Wow! I choked on my lol! That was funny. And funny, because it's true!

    (PS, just featured your amazing Steampunk gun on my Steampunk blog. You're a marvel and I'm so copying the rivets idea,)

  7. My new one is: Don't pretend you are playing with a lightsaber while you are peeing.