Discovered: The Root of All my Social Problems!

Sep 15, 2008

I consider myself pretty socially awkward. There are just so many social situations that I feel so clueless in. I try. And I think I am getting better (Cuz I’m 30!) but sometimes I just feel like awkwardness personified.

Maybe this is because I think about things too much. Not that it helps. Stuff always seems to come out wrong anyway. It is dangerous business opening your mouth.

For example: We are on waving terms with our neighbors. Sometimes a “Hi!” or a “Nice Weather!” or something like that is exchanged. This suits me fine. I assume it suits them fine too. Today as I was getting ready to drive away from the house I noticed him washing his car on his lawn. It looked very shiny, so I considered yelling out “It’s looking good!” But I was afraid he would only hear “Looking Good!” and think that I was talking about him. And while maybe that is a compliment he would like to receive, I just wasn’t sure I wanted to move our relationship up to that level.

Example two: I was talking to a friend in passing a while back and he was telling me about something cool he had recently done. As the conversation was closing what I wanted to say as my parting words were “Great!” but I thought maybe I had said that too many times in the brief conversation already, so instead I said “Good for you”. But what was supposed to come out as light and breezy, instead came out sounding very sarcastic, like “Good for you, ya moron!!” So as we parted, instead of saying “See ya”, I didn’t say anything, because I was struck dumb at how I must have sounded to him.

Yes, obviously, I have some problems. Not thinking at all for one, and thinking too much for another. That, and caring too much. And working too hard. And loving too deeply. Stuff like that. Anyway this awkwardness is why I would rather send you an email than talk to you on the phone, why a little part of me can’t help but hope that I don’t run into someone I know at the grocery store, and now that I think about it, probably the reason I was never voted prom queen!!! Mystery Solved!