Jul 25, 2008

LDS films

Why do LDS movies have to be so cheesy? Is it because of the poor directing? The bad acting? The low budget? The bad filming? Possibly. The world may never know. But maybe I am in no position to criticize if I insist on sitting through one of said movies. What can I say? Sometimes I want to watch an incredibly sappy movie about a boy who is having some serious spiritual problems, and the remarkably righteous girl who saves him. Darn! Why couldn't Richard be struggling? Now I have no one to save!

Jul 24, 2008


Allow me to quote Oemac:

"I was looking at clothes online and managed to end up at patagonia.com. It was a strange place for me to be since they seem to specialize in overpriced clothing that is suitable for climbing Mount Everest. Nevertheless, I was there looking at a pretty basic pair of slacks and noticed a section of the description titled "Ideal Uses"

Ideal Uses

* Day Job
* Train Travel
* Around Town
* Gathering Firewood
* Parent-teacher Conferences

I got quite a laugh out of these ideal uses. Particularly the last two. What exactly makes a pant ideal for gathering firewood? Do the gathering firewood traits of the pants also translate into what makes them ideal for Parent-teacher Conferences?

It seems so strange that they would need to explain what activities the pants are suitable for, and not just suitable, but ideal. Do they have a problem with their clientele calling the customer service line and saying, "I just received my new pants in the mail, but I can't figure out what to do with the pants. Do you have any recommendations?"

So after I had my laugh I looked at some of their other pants. They had 4 pages of pants that all pretty much looked like basic trousers to me, but of course each had a unique set of uses. The strangest were the Mystery Pants. That is the pants name, "THE MYSTERY PANTS" I am not sure what is so mysterious about these pants, although I am told that the pants "... have an elegant drape and low-maintenance virtues for a life lived on the road." The mystery pants ideal uses are as follows:
* Late-Season Berry Picking
* Gallery Hopping
* After Dinner Walks
* Visiting the Botanical Gardens

Perhaps they are being cute or ironic, although, based on their website, I don't think so.

I am going to start making my own pants and selling them on the web. Under my "Ideal Uses" section I am going to put:

Ideal Uses:
* To cover nude body"

So these pants and their ideal uses got me thinking. Seems like a great idea. I love knowing just what my pants are best for. However, I can foresee some issues. Like, what if I own a pair of basic slacks, and a pair of mystery pants, and I get invited to go berry picking in the Spring. I know my mystery pants are perfect for late season berry picking, but what about early season? I would hate to wear my pants out of their element. I could wear my basic slacks, and hope that the firewood gathering features would work for early season berry picking, but then whatever shall I wear to the PTA meeting later? Ah, such a quandary. I am going to have to call customer service.

I think it's a good thing they have made pants that are ideal for your day job and train travel. What if they weren't? A conscious clothes-wearer would have to ride the train to work in their travel pants, and then change into their day job pants in the public bathroom outside the office building. GHASTLY!! Wow, thank goodness THAT problem has been solved.

And Oemac, you left off one of the most important uses of the mystery pants -
Questioning Authority.

I can see now that I have been shopping all wrong. I usually just find a thing that is cute and buy it. I've been such a Fool! I need to be listing those things that I want to accomplish and find the proper clothing for each activity. I basically have always just shopped for casual clothes and dressy clothes, but I can see now that my clothes are holding me back. I never question authority - now we know why: Don't have the right britches.

I think I better get me a pair of these: Women's Cordalette Pants

Ideal Uses:
  • Bushwhacking
  • Woodworking
  • Day Job
  • Outdoor Concerts
  • Surf Check
If I could get me a pair of trousers that allow me to indulge in my active lifestyle without having to change my clothes every time I change activities, it would be freedom indeed. I have spent my whole life looking for a pair of pants perfect for bushwhacking. And if those same pants will take me from my day job, to a rigorous afternoon of bushwhacking, strait to a concert in the park, then I will have found true happiness. That's right folks. Happiness. Right here in this pair of pants.

Jul 21, 2008

Hold the applause, please

Harrison learned how to clap a while ago. He loves it. And he claps for himself all the time. He will take a can of soup off the shelf and throw it in the garbage and then clap. Or he will throw a shoe in the laundry basket and then clap. It makes me laugh. Today I was cleaning up the backyard and throwing wood into the back of the truck. Harrison thought it was great fun, and every time I threw a piece of wood in, he would clap for me. I guess I was doing a good job!

Jul 20, 2008

10 Reasons it is Awesome to be 30

The age of 30 is a milestone. When you are young, 30 sounds so terribly MIDDLE AGED, that you think you may as well give up on youth and happiness, and resign yourself to mortgages, slow metabolism and graying hair. Well I am here to inform all you young whippersnappers that really isn't the case. And while I do indeed feel older, I want to list just a few of the reasons why being 30 is awesome, and I highly recommend it to everyone.
  1. Wisdom. Yes, my wisdom runneth over. They say wisdom comes with age (they also say that sometimes age comes alone) and what I have lost in energy and enthusiasm I have more than made up for in wisdom and street smarts. (Wow, I could barely type that for laughing.) I think you will find as you go through this list that 30 year olds are wise indeed.
  2. I can eat whatever I want. And because I can eat what I want AND I also know what is good for me, I usually eat very healthy. But every once in a while, if I feel like it, I can make terrible food choices and nobody can give me guff about it. I went out to dinner with some friends recently, and all I ordered was a huge piece of carrot cake. Just cake for dinner and that is it. This particular restaurant has what has been called "The Best Carrot Cake On Earth" (by me), and whenever we go there Richard and I usually get a piece to share which I can never completely enjoy because I am already too full from dinner. So I swore in my wrath "NOT THIS TIME!" and I ate cake for dinner and it was glorious.
  3. Being a mom. Yes, that happens much younger for most people, but younger people also eat whatever they want to. Bear with me. Kids are cool; I didn't realize how cool until I started trying to raise one myself. And now that the kid is here, I am also glad for all my years of childless freedom and experiences, as well as the boundless wisdom I amassed to help me through this parenting adventure.
  4. Being able to laugh at myself. I just read number 3 again. Who writes like that?
  5. Money. True, there is more of it than in times past. But I am also so much less dumb about it than ever before. I have learned to control my urges for purses, shoes, and redundant household appliances that I don't need or have room for and save my money for the stuff I really DO want. It is an incredibly empowering feeling. And these money smarts are brought to you today by "turning 3o and the wisdom that comes along with it".
  6. Confidence. I'm fine with who I am, which, even if I had wanted to say it when I was a teenager, I never ever could have. That kind of thing just isn't done. Teenagers are not really allowed to like themselves. But now I know what I am. I know who I am. I know what I'm good at, know what I'm bad at, and I am just fine with that. If someone asks me to play basketball, I can gladly say "No! I stink at basketball! I choose not to parade my clumsiness about on the court in that fashion!" But if someone asks me to paint a family portrait of them, I will proudly exclaim "Yes! I shall paint your portrait! And you may display it on your wall in all the glory it deserves!" (I'm just kidding. I'm not an artist. But I am good at making up ridiculous lies, see?)
  7. Reaching the age of Authority. I've decided that I am old enough to call young men "Sonny Boy", and young women "Missy" and that I have enough authority in my age to expect them youngsters to obey me when I order them about.
  8. People call me ma'am. This is closely tied to number 7. People call me ma'am, and when they do, I can't help but think 'That's right I'm a ma'am, you insignificant speck! Respect me! RESPECT ME!!' It is quite a heady brew, I can tell you.
  9. Having an excuse for my infirmities and memory loss. Example: "Hey, Elesa! Do you want to go on a strenuous 10 mile hike, packing in all our food and camping supplies?" "No. I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm 30." "Say, Elesa, do you remember that guy with the tattoo of Alexander the Grape on his calf?" "No, I do not. But that is probably because I am 30." See how handy that is?
  10. 40 doesn't seem as old anymore. And since it is coming, as sure as shootin', it is just as well that I get used to the idea. I am also fully aware that when I turn 40 I will look back on this and think "Boy, I sure didn't know a thing", but for now, that is just fine with me.

Jul 11, 2008


Sometimes, instead of songs running through my head I will have words. Or phrases. Or names. Last summer the name "Gary Sinise" ran through my mind for months. Obviously, it rarely has any meaning. This week the words are "Rumpole of the Bailey", (which I finally looked up and learned is a British TV series) The words are on a loop and they just plays over and over again. Does this happen to anyone else?

Jul 10, 2008

Mars Attacks and Life Lessons

I watched Mars Attacks today. It was really dumb. Everyone always said it was dumb, but for some reason I never quite believed them and was determined to find out for myself. Well, they were right. It was stupid. I should have listened.

So here is the thing. Sometimes in our lives there is a thing we may want to experience, but we have all these people who have already experienced it telling us what it is like. Telling us that the stove really is hot, and that staring into a solar eclipse really is a bad idea, and that squid really just tastes like tiny, salty, rubber bands. And their word should be good enough. There are some things we DON'T need to experience for ourselves.

Everyone should be able to decide for themselves if they prefer milk chocolate to dark, should know how it feels to help an old lady cross the street, to feel the thrill of base jumping. But there will be adventures that we should forfeit; Just listen to the advice of those who have gone before and leave it at that. Today I spent two hours of my life that I can never get back. Lesson Learned.


Harrison has always liked our stuff more than his toys. He loves sticks of any kind that can be used to poke and bonk things. He loves his toothbrush, and loves mine even more. Lately he likes to drag things around the house behind him. One of my shirts from the clothes hamper, my curling iron, the electric mixer. He loves things that will drag along behind him and it makes him so happy to pull them all around the house. They have toys with cords I know, so we went to Target today to see if we could find one. No Luck! I didn't see any toys on cords at all. Maybe I am not looking in the right place. Or maybe I should just be content to let him drag my curling iron around the house and put the toy money toward college. Babies are so funny!!

Jul 8, 2008

Poll #7

The views expressed in this post are not necessarily those of the author, Blogger or its subsidiaries.

Poll #7

Would You Rather...

Babysit an acquaintances children?
Drive a Raccoon out of your chimney?

The much anticipated results are out for Poll #7. Surprisingly, all those in our test group preferred to deal with a trapped raccoon than babysit for an acquaintance. This is probably because, in general, babysitting is viewed as unpleasant. This unpleasantness seems to be proportional to the babysitter's relationship with the child's parents. Babysitting for a casual friend is tolerable; Babysitting for a close friend is a sacrifice most are happy to make; Babysitting for family is just part of the deal and can even be enjoyable. But babysitting for a mere acquaintance is viewed as torture. That is why there are girls between the ages of 12 and 18. They, at least, can expect to be paid for their trouble. It is often safe to assume that when a mature individual is asked to babysit for someone, not only should they not expect to be paid for it, if money IS offered, it would be wrong to accept it.

Oddly enough, this all directly correlates to Tupperware parties. A young lady might be happy to go to a Mary Kay party thrown by a sister, and won't mind going to one given by a close friend etc., but when someone she's not said more than 5 words to starts inviting her to candle parties, she will likely be annoyed.

If any of you fall into the group that feels this way, don't worry; you are not alone. And don't give up on yourself. You can overcome these feelings and be the kind and giving person you have always wanted to be. Just take it slow and don't expect yourself to change overnight. And the next time you are asked to babysit, and it just seems like more than you can bear, instead of coming up with an excuse, maybe you can ask them if they have a rabid squirrel stuck in their attic that they would let you try to catch with your bare hands instead.

Quiz of the Day

1. Rick Astley is never going to:

a. Give you up.
b. Let you down.
c. Run around and desert you.
d. Make you cry.
e. Say goodbye.
f. Tell a lie and hurt you.
g. All of the above.

2. Blondie wants you to call her:

a. On the line.
b. Anytime.
c. As soon as you get home from choir practice.
d. Both a and b.
e. None of the above.

3. Dan Fogelberg has been in love with you:

a. Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean.
b. Higher than any bird ever flew.
c. Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens.
d. Further than he can throw you.
e. Some of the above.
f. None of the above.

4. What Red Hot Chili Peppers has got, you've got to:

a. Give it to your momma.
b. Give it to your poppa.
c. Give it to your daughter.
g. Give it to your gastroenterologist.

5. If Barenaked Ladies had a million dollars, they'd buy you:

a. A house.
b. A monkey.
c. John Merrick's remains.
d. A really classy toupee.

I saw the Rick Astley question posted on a door at Richard's office and it made me laugh, so I wanted to do some. This is all I could come up with however. Any ideas?