February 12, 2008

"Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth'". - Michael Scott

I don't mean to be a grinch, or whatever the Valentine's equivalent of a grinch would be. (Looks like that would be the Eggplant Wizard. Hey, I didn't make that up. I read it online, so it must be true. See for yourself.) But sometimes I want to kick this holiday in the knee. I don't really have anything against Valentine's Day on principle; I think it's swell to have one day of the year devoted to romance (or Single's Awareness, depending on your couple status). It's just when that romance is predicated on the purchase of jewelry, chocolates, and stuffed animals that it drives me crazy! Especially the stuffed animals. As a girl who used to consider herself a "Collector" of stuffed animals I believe I am justified in maligning them now. Why is a gorilla holding a vinyl heart, or a bear wearing boxers a sign of affection? (And why the incredibly cheesy puns?) As if I don't already have enough junk in my life, now I have this item which I'm supposed to cherish because it is a gift, when all I'm doing is trying to figure out how badly it will hurt my garbage disposal.
Possibly worse than the stuffed animals, however, (though it is a very close tie) are the shameless commercials reminding us that if we love anyone in our lives, we better buy them something and the more we spend the better. All the holidays are like this, of course, but Valentine's seems to be the very worst. Let me clarify that I think giving and receiving gifts is neat! But the obligation to give because this day came along, and marketing's ideas about which gifts are best are dumb, dumb, dumb.

That being said, I have a friend I give stuffed animals and chocolates to every year. Yep. Dumb.

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  1. Hmm, now I'm all suspicious about the reasons why I have never received chocolates or bears hugging vinyl hearts from you.

  2. The commercials that took the cake this year, were for some cell phone company telling us that the best Valentine's gift would be to pop the question, because hey then you can be on the family plan. Are there really guys out there saying, "wow what a deal, I better marry her." I certainly hope not!!!

  3. AAAAAMEN! I wouldn't say I hate valentines, but I certainly don't like it. I do despise stuffed animals. I find they're staring eyes and painted smiles a bit disturbing. Just FYI they don't do your garbage disposal any favors. But burning them is very satisfying. The candy also drives me nuts, here honey I love you eat an entire pound of chocolate so you can develop a nice case of coronary artery disease.

  4. I like Valentine's Day! My husband is not a romantic person so this is the one time where he is forced by a consumer-driven society to pay homage to our love. ;)