White Pants

I have this pair of white pants that I really love, but almost never wear. It just never seems like a good idea. I always feel like I am tempting fate. Last time I wore them I sat in chocolate. Like a big blob of chocolate pudding. Now I won't deny it; I'm a klutz, and pretty accident prone and all that. But sitting in chocolate? Who does that? I've never done that before that I remember. The universe was saving it up for when I wore my white pants.

But Richard says you have to take risks to look good. ( Yes, he is a fountain of wisdom and knowledge.) And I guess I was feeling pretty brave and reckless tonight, so I decided to wear the white pants. And I was pretty pleased with myself because I didn't spill anything on my lap at dinner, and even when Harrison grabbed me with his sticky fingers it didn't leave a mark. I was really starting to think I was the cat's pajamas, sticking it to the Universe like that, and then when we got home tonight I realized that I must have brushed up against our dirty car because I had a big black smear on my leg. GRRRR!

I used to really wonder about the "rule" that says you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day. I was always wondering when you are allowed to start wearing white again, but Richard says you can start wearing it again after Memorial Day. I don't know why he knows stuff like that. Even so, I still thought it was dumb. Why should it matter what color you wear or when you wear it?

Well, now I know. It is not just a thing people say. It is not just a fashion faux pas. It is a warning. I believe that there is an ancient curse that was placed on human kind by some angry aboriginal designer. A curse on those who wear white before or after summer vacation. The ancients knew of the curse and passed on their knowledge, but somehow over time the gravity of the warning was lost, and all that is left is this clever little fashion suggestion "Don't wear white after Labor Day". It is not something to be taken lightly. You can ignore this warning if you want to, but you will face the consequences. And they will be messy.