I'm not writing this either.

November 18, 2009

So I have learned that I can either blog or clean my house and cook for my family, and I have chosen to cook and clean. (It isn't the right decision for everyone.) But I can't disappoint the masses! I mean, I would if I could, but I don't know how to reach them, so I will have to settle for disappointing you lot (er, I mean, you guys. Sorry, I've been watching a lot of Doctor Who). Just when you were thinking "Phew! No more to read from Elesa!" here I am again. I don't have anything new to write, but I have loads of old stuff that I started and never finished. So I will give you some of that. I gotta disappoint someone.

So here is something. I don't even know when I wrote this. I found it on my external hard drive. I don't think I ever posted this, did I?


I have been catching up on some old scrapbooking lately. Some really old pictures. Scrapbooking is always a time for reflection and a little nostalgia. But mostly wonder. Wonder at the way I used to be. Am I forever doomed to look back on myself in the past and shake my head? Must I always think “What was I wearing?” “Why did I act so dumb?” “I really left the house with my hair like that?” “Wow, thank goodness I am smarter now”.

I mean, it is nice and all, to know that I am much wiser with better style than I used to be. But still. I remember when I was in college, thinking how nice it was not to be in High school anymore. Boy, was I dumb in High School. Thank goodness I am so smart now. But NOW, I look back at myself in college and I think “Boy, was I dumb in College. Thank goodness I am so smart now.” Only now am I beginning to realize that the chances are that in 5 years I’ll look back on myself now and think “boy, was I dumb”.

I guess it is good that I am still growing and learning. And what a shame it would be if I reached the height of my wisdom at 30. But I am smart enough now to realize how dumb I really am, and probably will be for a very long time. Which is kind of a sad thought.

I am Elesa. I am dumb. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

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8 comments

  1. I like to think that I'm NOT dumb whatsoever now that I've hit the ripe age of 24.... But I probably still am.

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  2. I always think the same thing, too. Nice to know we'll always be retarded compared to our future selves.

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  3. Fellow dummy checking in. I think it's a GOOD thing if we can look back on ourselves and laugh a little.

    Now, I should probably follow your example and get cleaning!

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  4. I must be the Dumbest of them all. I look at my old pics and think. Man, I was a hotty, I used to all sorts of fun things, I was so courageous, and I rocked the Big Hair(if only it would come back in style)

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  5. Sometimes I get SO overwhelmed and feeling guilty about stupid decisions I made in the past that I can't stand it. But then I realize... wow.. that was like 10 years ago. I don't think anyone even cares or remembers... except me... let it go. I'm trying to. By the way, I like what you write but I also understand the having to clean your house thing :)

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  6. You're only as smart as you need to be in the moment, I say!

    Oh how I've missed your blogging!

    My writing has also gone by the way-side of family. Sorry I didn't make it to Book Group. I want to read that book. I want to do a lot of things. If I had all the time to do the things I wanted, we would have at least 72 hour days.

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  7. Well, I gotta say that having my book in a list of stuff that doesn't suck is - well, it makes life worth living. And yeah, about the dumb thing? You're perception of the pattern is right on - and it's probably good; I mean, what's the point of linear time if you don't improve as you move from left to right? I love it when I can guess a blogger is LDS before I find the clues -

    K Randle

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  8. This is such fun writing. Misty mentioned your blog in a comment on my blog, and I'm glad she sent me over.

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