Dear Benjamin Hulihu,
Ok, so you know how we've been dating for like 3 years and everything, and how we always said we were meant for each other or whatever, well. . . Actually, how are you first? Maybe I should have already asked that. Yeah, anyway, I"m sure you're fine. . . preaching and stuff. Things are the same around here. Your friends Jared says Hi! Actually, that isn't quite true. He really said "Suck it, Loser!" Isn't that funny? He really is hilarious. Remember when you bought me 20 roses and I said "Hey, I like daisies!"? That was forever ago. But really it was symbolic of how our love was pretty much down the toilet. That's harsh, I know, but we really have to admit that our relationship has deteriorated over the years. So anyhoo, you were pretty fun and nice. Better luck next time.
And that, ladies and gentlemen is the end. But let's have no tears. There will always be more dumb things to read. That is what the internet is for!