I'm a little worried about writing to you this year because I've had a hard year and done some "bad" things, but you need to know that there have been a lot of extenuating circumstances. I didn't really mean to set the cat on fire. It's just that she got too fat for the ring of fire she usually jumps through, so maybe you could send me one of those too.
And while you're at it, I'd love to have the ability to make fire with my mind. That would really save me money on matches. Also, Santa, please send me some soup. I'm not going hungry or anything. I just really like soup. By the way, my young brother Jared pinched me the other day. Not that I'm trying to get anyone on the naughty list, but I just think you deserve to know all the facts.
So I'll try to keep my list short this time. A trip to Disney world and my own jet should do it for now.