But one of her questions bothered me. It was why the couple chose adoption. Is it something they are both excited about, or is it a second best way of having a family? If I step back, I can see that it is a good question. You don't want birth parents who are bitter about the whole thing. But at the same time, it sounds like adoption should have been my first choice. And I am sorry, but who would choose this? I'm not one of those women who is grateful not to have to go through the pains of childbirth. Quite the opposite. All I want is to have children, but that is only possible if a girl I don't even know happens to decide she likes me based on a picture and a paragraph. What if your ability to get pregnant was contingent upon the whims of a stranger, or their parents?
I do sound a little bitter, don't I? I know part of it is just where I currently am in the adoption process. We have been in the adoption pool for 14 months. We have had a few nibbles in that time and every time we try not to get our hopes up and every time we fail. I imagine it's a little like having a miscarriage. I know I shouldn't fall in love with that baby, but I can't help myself. Someone dangles a baby in front of me just long enough for me to hope, and then yanks it away. Why would I choose this?
The flip side is looking at it all from the perspective of 3 years ago. Harrison's birth mother chose us and 2 months later we took our baby home. And she is wonderful and he is everything. I couldn't love him more. I couldn't have produced anything as amazing as him. So, no, adoption is not my first choice, but I am immensely grateful for it, because it brought me my little boy. I love him and I love his birth mother and I am truly happy that she is part of our lives. It is a blessing I never would have chosen, but who ever said I knew what was best for me?
Yeah, adoption is hard, but I have faith. I know it will work out eventually and someday we will bring another baby home. Because I know it is not just based on the whims of girl but is carefully watched over by a very loving Father in heaven. I know it. Even when it is hard I still know it. I wish it was easier, but that is not really how life works. So for now, all we can do is wait. Wait and pray. . . And wait some more. . . . . . And occasionally slip our pass along cards into pregnancy test packages.