A penny for your comment?

One of the greatest rewards to the countless, COUNTLESS hours I spend composing my posts is the comments. I think most bloggers would agree. There is no honey so sweet as a praise filled comment, nor bile so bitter as a comment that refutes or disagrees with what has been written. But both are as precious as gold (or as precious as something you really like - like the smile of a child or a cat, whatever). However, comments are not easy to come by. They have to be earned. You may get a "Cute Picture", or a "That's so funny!" now and then, but anything more than that is almost too much to hope for. Or so I thought.

"Ms. Fallacy"
invariably has at least 6 comments to any post she writes. And not just "Cute Picture" kind of comments either. But lengthy, opinion filled comments written by people who are silent on all other fronts. How does she do this? It's not really such a mystery; anyone who has read her blog knows very well how she does it. She writes about real things. Things that people have opinions about. She makes people think and gets a rise out of them and they can't help but respond.

I was inspired by this. "I can write about real things!" I says to myself. (I had to snap my fingers to get my attention cuz I was thinking about something else). So I went about looking for something real to write about. Lets see.... Babies. Can they really be good or bad? People love to say, "He is such a good baby!" but can a baby be bad? I knew a guy who said his daughter was born bad, but her mother loved the bad right out of her. I'm pretty sure he meant it. So, yeah, that is a question to think about......
Arlene has a list on her blog of authors who she has read almost every book by. I thought this was a fun idea. So here is my list, which will not be as long as hers (you may consider this an unofficial Tag!):

Daniel Pinkwater
Douglas Adams
William Sleator
Emily Bronte
J.R.R. Tolkien
J.K. Rowling
Diana Wynne Jones

I wanted to say Madeline L'Engle, but she has written a WHOLE lot more books than I thought. I also wanted to say L.M. Montgomery, but when I looked her up just now on Amazon I saw there are a bunch more books she's written that I haven't heard of. This is all a little depressing to my list up there. Emily Bronte is cheating I know, because she only had one book published, but I'm countin' it!
Oh darn. I was just looking up some of the other authors to see if I really have read most of their books and I'm not doing so good! But I'm counting J.R.R. Tolkien because all the books his son published posthumously based on his notes don't weigh in. But. . . oh man, I haven't even read everything by Douglas Adams! This list is garbage, GARBAGE! The problem is that dead authors don't stay dead. People keep publishing stuff they worked on, or edited, or notes they wrote on their coffee cups in a spontaneous moment of inspiration.
I guess the only thing I can say is that I read everything by these authors that was available at the public library when I discovered them. So there.
Stupid Amazon.

Another post with some stuff in it

AE says she is a sucker for a good sales pitch. And I would have to say the same. I'm a sucker for an infomercial. I fall for almost every one I've ever seen, but of course I am much, much too sensible to buy right then, so I write the item down on a sticky note and stick it on my desk. Or if I can't find a sticky note I will write it on the back of a receipt, or on a napkin, or on the bottom of my shoe, whatever I might have handy. Luckily I am smart enough not to watch many infomercials, because I am all too aware of my weakness. The result is, that I still remember every one I have seen and fallen for. P90X. The shark Vacuum. The LaPress. Ah the La Press. I could chop all my vegetables with just the pull of a lever. Sigh. Anyhoo, it is the opposite with a direct sales presentation. I am too busy being annoyed at the sales man to buy anything. I'm not even paying attention; instead I am deciding between kicking him in the shins or pointing over his shoulder and saying, "What in the world can that be?", so that I can make a run for it. It doesn't really matter where I am, or what they are selling, just the fact they are all up in my business wanting me to buy something really fills me with much indignant emotion!

Another Example of how my Husband is funny.

I have two small problems. Yep, only two. Problem One: The constant need to clean my house which demands my time; Problem Two: the desire to employ myself usefully while I listen to books on tape. Well, I'm no dummy, and I finally realized that I can listen to books WHILE I clean the house. (Someone with a more simple mind than myself might never have come to this discovery.) Not only does this give me a chance to listen to my books, but it also makes the cleaning pass so much more pleasantly. I am able to kill two birds with one stone. And Richard is always happy when I am able to kill two birds with one stone, because, he says, "There is nothin' I like more than killin' birds, and saving rocks!"

CAUTION: This Post is rated PG-13

I have a friend who doesn't like the word breast. She never talks about emotions swelling in her breast, she doesn't wear double breasted jackets, and she hates nuthatches. She also won't say chicken breast. She won't say it, but she will eat them, so instead she uses the term "Chicken Chest". This seems to me to have the opposite of the intended effect, and I always find myself thinking "What are we talking about now?", and giggling behind my hand. To make matters worse, Richard decided that he was fed up with all the euphemisms, and just started calling them "Chicken Boobs". He likes to spring this on me unawares, while we are grocery shopping or at ward barbecues. He always surprises a laugh out of me, but I cover it up smartly by coughing and then whacking him in the arm.

Anger Management for the Internet

Today I heard about a heated debate between two acquaintances of mine because of something written on one of their blogs, and that makes me feel real sad. However, maybe it was nice for the offended to be able to air their views to the offendee. Maybe a good argument really hits the spot for some people when they are upset. Unfortunately, that usually isn't an option and we have little recourse when we are offended by something we read on the internet. I enjoy slamming the door when I'm angry, but sometimes it's a lot of work to get up from my desk to go over and slam the door. Plus, I always get distracted on the way and start to pick up socks, and then I remember this sock hop I went to once with some really neato streamers but they really only called it a sock hop because they didn't want us to wear our shoes on the new gymnasium floor, and then I can't remember why I got up in the first place. So here is some advice for those of you who read something online that makes you mad.

1) You can post a rant on your blog.
2) Throw things at your monitor.
3) Shut down the internet browser with a very emphatic click of the mouse.
4) If you are lucky enough to be using a lap top, you can close it really hard (don't try it with a desktop PC. It really doesn't work very well).
5) While doing any of the above it often helps release more steam if you shout some expletive, like: "That Really Burns My Butter!" or, "I am filled with much indignant emotion!" or even something simple like, "POOP!"

If none of the above work out for you, and you don't have the offending party to give a talking to, you can always try calling one of those phone psychics. It might be a 900 number, but they are really good listeners, and you can't put a price on that.
Well, the numbers are in! We have tallied up the votes for the Poll Poll and it is time to reveal the exciting results. (If you are thinking: "Hey! I just looked, and there are still like a bunch of days left to vote" too bad! It was taken before a committee and I decided to cut it.)

You will be relieved and perhaps intrigued to learn that not ONE person thinks that polls are a waste of time. Isn't that great?! It was a close race, but at the last minute some courageous voter dove in and broke the tie. The results are these:

In the Instance of the Poll entitled: What do you think of Polls?

"They are a colossal waste of time"
- 0 votes
"PURPLE"
- 1 vote,
"16 Chickens and a Duck" - 4 votes, and
"They hold up my tent real good"
- 5 votes!

It's great to see that if any of you stumble across a poll you don't need, you all know just where to stick it. The support for this survey was overwhelming. Thank you so much to those who contributed time and loot to make it a success.
I love "Pushing Daisies". Chuck and the Pie Maker are so cute, I find myself watching it all curled up in a ball with a ridiculous grin on my face. Turns out I am a sappy romantic after all. Who knew?

Ok, I've got one for you. This is important, so I want you to really think about it, spend a quiet hour and consult your soul. When they make the movie of your life, who will play the main characters? MyHeritage.com says that I look 72% like Judy Garland. I think it's the hair. And, naturally, casting will be based solely on looks. What do I care how well they can act in my fake movie?

Unfortunately, at this time Judy Garland is completely unavailable, so we are happy to announce that Tina Fey has agreed to play me. Yea! (The bad news is, it has been decided that my story isn't really interesting enough to make into a movie. The story line has been altered a bit so now its about a writer for a live comedy sketch show.)


Richard, obviously, will be played by Jim Gaffigan in Pale Force. I don't even need to post a picture of Richard, because he looks just like that. We're still deciding if we can find a role for Pale Force Conan.



After much debate on the subject, it has been decided that Harrison will be played by himself. He is just so cute. This is a picture of him breaking into a public building through the heat ducts.
I'm a nerd. And not the useful kind, who can fix your computer, solve crimes using advanced math, or prove String Theory (though I am working on it). No, I am the really sad and useless kind, who just thinks the other nerds are cool. I like Weird Al, and role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons and Kingdom of Loathing. I like to hear people makes jokes that include the phrase "All Your Base Are Belong to Us". I have a shirt that says "You Are Dumb" in Ascii Binary, and I always enjoy references to Star Trek and Star wars. Hmm.... when I started this post my point was to say that I am a nerd, not that I am a nerd and a great big dork. Wait, why did I want to point out that I am a nerd in the first place? Oh Man!

Elbow Tag was always my favorite.

Tagging, for those who don't know, is the practice of posting small assignments on your blog and then passing those assignments on to others. It's similar to, but should not be confused with, the game of tag popular on elementary school playgrounds. In my day this mostly consisted of someone running up behind you and punching you in the shoulder while yelling "TAG! YOU'RE IT! HA HA HA!" The response to this was usually "But I'm not even playing!!".

Anne Tagged me. The assignment is to name 6 interesting facts about myself. There really are more than 6 interesting things about me. So don't go thinking that this list is all inclusive or anything.

1) When I clean out my right ear with a cotton swab, it makes me cough.

2) When I'm nervous I cough. Yep, two things on my list about coughing. This one time, I got up to sing with the choir, and I started coughing, and kept on coughing and coughing until the song was over. Another time, at school, this guy I liked came and sat next to me. He was so cute and he was being so nice that I started coughing like crazy and had to run out of the room.

3) I have a small midget staying with me indefinitely. He doesn't speak English, so I can't be sure, but I believe he has come to study the washing machine. It seems as though our laundry technology is years ahead of his.

4) I LOVE Mystery Science Theater 3000. Oh... wait... It doesn't really count as an interesting fact about me if everyone else in the world feels the same way, does it?

5) I can only count to five.

Now, Marion, Mahubble, Arlene and Lance should all do it. If you don't, you have to freeze until someone touches you on the shoulder.
I have the nicest neighbors: a little old man and his wife. They are very sweet. Whenever he drives past our house he honks his horn to say hello. Yes, he waves and honks and every time it scares the pants off me (which is, of course, both inappropriate and embarrassing as I'm standing outside holding my groceries). He always honks; it never fails. Even if I see him coming and am already waving my arm off, he still honks and it still scares me. I try not to let it scare me, but he's got a loud Tooter on that old boat-of-a-car, and knowing the the honk is coming just makes it worse. I hear his car approaching. I turn and see it looming at the end of the block. And then I wait and wait as he drives ever so slowly down the road. I'm waving in slow motion, steeling myself against what I know is imminent. I hold my breath......and the HONK comes and my limbs each twitch about in some sort of startled spasm, and I know he has bested me again.

mp3-o-rama

Anne, thanks for this idea. Fun! I put my mp3 player on shuffle, and here are the first 10 songs that came up:

"Weird Divide" - The Shins. Not my favorite song from the album. But I sure like The Shins!
"Green Apples" - Chantal Kreviazuk
"Blue Eyes" - Cary Brothers (Garden State Soundtrack)
"It's Good to be in Love" - Frou Frou
"All of the Words" - Kutlass
"Such Great Heights" - Iron and Wine (Garden State Soundtrack)
"Oremi" - Angelique Kidjo. From my Lilith Fair album. This song does nothing for me anymore, but I've never deleted it, so I guess I get what I deserve.
"Under Pressure" - Queen and David Bowie. More of a Queen fan than a David Bowie fan, but whatever.
"My Brilliant Feat" - Colin Hay. My new favorite. The lead singer of Men at Work working all alone.
"Chaux Pastry Heart" - Corrine Bailey Rae

Good Stuff!
Now, my mp3 player is only a gig. And I don't think it's even full because I like to leave room to put a book on there if I feel like it. There are probably only a few hundred songs on it, so no real surprises, but fun nonetheless! Thanks Anne! And thanks Pandora!

TV vision

What does it say about me that most of my favorite shows were canceled before they made it through the first season? I'm not sure, but it can't be good....
But seriously! Firefly really was the greatest television program the world has ever known. I know how that sounds. But I never, ever exaggerate. I LOVED Lost when it first started, (and I was terrified that they might cancel it), but that has fizzled just a little. Maybe the thing is that the shows get canceled before I have a chance to lose interest; and their absence has made my heart grow fonder than it might have otherwise. Who knows. Anyway, here is the list. Of course, McGyver and Quantum Leap should be on here, but I wasn't sure how far back in time to go. I always used to watch Saved by the Bell, too, but that doesn't mean it's making the list....

The Office
Firefly
Alias (seasons 1 & 2)
Andy Barker, P.I.
Threshold


Other great shows that got canceled too soon:

Jake 2.0
John Doe (made it to the end of season one, leaving off at the cliff hanger. Mean!)
Drive (I just want Nathan Fillion back!)
Dark Angel

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What has the world come to when babies are inundated with Junk Mail? I spend all my energies keeping him away from junk: Feeding him healthy food instead of junk food, keeping him out of the garbage cans; but all my efforts are thwarted by that devious mail man, who always slips the mail in to the slot while I'm not looking...
Speaking of mail men, I am convinced that Identity Theft is a fictional thing invented by the Post Master General (What else does he have to do? He just sits up in his tower playing Risk and commanding his Post Master Army.) to convince us all that we need locking mailboxes. So now, instead of driving to each house one at a time, he just stops at one community mail box for the whole block. And it's well enough for me - the community mail box is just across the street - but what about the poor lady who has to drive her car all the way around the corner just to get her mail? What is the world coming to?

REMOVED

Mark your calendars! Sometime in the near or distant future we will all be playing the revolutionary new game "Space Crud"! Check it out!
www.SpaceCrud.com
"After the rain, when the monkeys begin emerging from their treetop hideouts, and jungle-side apartments, when the birdies begin once again to sing from their nesties, no longer afraid of being washed away in the torrential downfall of water, when the Sneegle-footed Gloober worm makes his first majestic (if somewhat slimey) wriggles, then and only then can we begin our exciting study into the world of vine swinging.
Vine Swinging: hereafter known as VS, is a largely unexplored alternative traveling method, ripe with potential only dreamed of by the previous arboreal population at large. "Aaaaaa", you say, and well you might, for the possibilities of VS have been considered primarily fictional - made popular by jungle dwelling Homo sapiens such as Tarzan, George of the Jungle, and of course, Leonard the Leotard, each with varying degrees of success."

The above paragraph is an excerpt from the VS Special that aired on Green TV during their Monkey Week. What I saw excited and inspired me and I couldn't wait to share it! For more information, see www.MonkiesInTheSkyKeepOnTurning/BackToTheTrees.com.
Chicken-Monkey bubblewrap, potato chip, umbrella.